


Amber eyed

by Chickenlessbonewing



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Animal Death, Artist Gerard Way, Cuddling & Snuggling, Curses, Fluff and Angst, Frank wearing Gerard’s clothes, Gerard is very Byronic, Hair-pulling, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Pining Gerard, Protective Frank Iero, Protective Gerard Way, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sick Frank Iero, Slow Burn, WILL ADD MORE TAGS AS I UPDATE, Wolves, bathing together, because I’m a cuddle slut, boyfriend shirt, but like in a non sexy way, cursed Frank Iero, feral frank, frank is around 19/20 here, gay longing, gerards POV, he’s just short, injured Gerard, injured frank, long haired frank, mostly just soft gay men being gay, not literally but technically, nurse Gerard Way, out of necessity of course, so. Many. Internal. Monologues., some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chickenlessbonewing/pseuds/Chickenlessbonewing
Summary: Gerard moves out to his family’s old disused cabin in an attempt to escape his responsibilities, he doesn't expect to find what he never knew he was missing.The old trees hold secrets, can he keep them safe?
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 55
Kudos: 95





	1. Called Into the woods

  
  


Gerard's family thought he was insane for insisting on moving to the family's old remote cabin, but then again he wasn't sure they'd been convinced he was ever of sound mind to begin with, so he supposed it didn't really matter, and besides, out here he couldn't slip up and disgrace the family name with his "distasteful desires", as he'd heard it oh so eloquently put. Not that they knew about him, but he heard them talk, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before they became suspicious of why he lacked interest in taking a wife, his parents smile's had become far more brittle around the edges the last times they'd brought up the subject of marriage.

Best to leave now while he can still claim it as adventurous impulse. When people enquired as to where the heir to the Way estate had vanished, his family had the easy response of typical fleeting youth, of wanting to see the world before he had to accept the full weight of his family name. And this was true, in the sense that it wasn't quite a lie. He did wish to see the world, but he had no intention of ever going back.

He looked out the carriage window as they approached the small town, the trees thinning as they neared the last trace of civilization for miles, the woods only growing deeper past the trees that loomed over the sparse simple buildings that made up the square. He took note of the tavern, as well as the small post office, as the carriage slowly passed through, resisting the urge to duck away from the curious stares he received from the few people milling about the dusty main road.

The carriage stopped in front of the stables and he stepped out, glad he'd thought to dress in his plainer clothes.

The stable master met him and lead him to his new horse, Darwin, who was all saddled up and waiting for his arrival. Gerard nodded his approval as Darwin allowed him to pet his snout, completely at ease as the cart with Gerard's few belongings was attached to him. Gerard thanked the stable master and the carriage driver and set off for the cabin.

The farther into the woods he went, the denser the trees became. He was grateful for the summers spent exploring the wooded areas around the Ways summer home, as while he was unfamiliar with this wood, he at least knew how to navigate if he ever found himself lost amongst the sea of identical roots and branches.

He turned down a narrower less managed road, and Gerard knew they were almost there. He estimated the trek to town from the cabin would be a little under an hour by foot, and was internally pleased that he'd had the forethought the arrange for a horse.

Darwin slowed in front of the cabin, waiting patiently as Gerard unhooked the cart. Gerard lead Darwin to the small stable near the side of the house, settling him in and giving him an apple from his pack. The stable was surprisingly clean, though he still needed to fix it up a bit. Tomorrow, tomorrow he'd worry about what needs fixing. Tonight he need only worry about getting all his belongings inside, and unpacking what was immediately necessary.

When he finally finished dragging all his trunks inside, he looked around his new home. He was standing in the main room that consisted of a fireplace and sitting area, including bookshelves with a decent number of titles that Gerard had yet to read, as well as a few he had. He opened the door by the stairs to discover the kitchen, with a simple dining table and cooking area, a few pans hanging from a rack on the wall.

He investigated the two doors in the kitchen, one opening up to an empty pantry, the other to the rear of the house. He stepped out and took in what had once been a garden of sorts, some of the plants still thriving despite the weeds that had taken root.

There were, when he peered down at the mud, what appeared to be footprints. Someone had been walking around here bare footed, and somewhat recently.

Gerard looked around uselessly, as he knew all he'd see was the cabin, the stable, the out house, and the countless trees surrounding the property. There wasn't another house nearby for quite a ways, at least not one close enough to explain the bare feet, though he supposed they could easily be from some of the town youths, given their size. He remembered exploring old disused buildings in his younger years. As long as they didn't break anything, which seemed to be the case, then Gerard supposed it wasn't any harm. Who ever it was, they were unlikely to come back while he was living here, it was just a cabin now. There's no intrigue in that.

He stepped back inside the cabin, locking the back door just in case, and continued his exploration, taking the stairs that didn't creak as loudly as he expected up to the second floor. There was a simple hall with two doors, one leading to a large bedroom with an ornate armoire, a desk, a dresser, a large corner bookshelf, a mirror, and a large bed in the center. This, he decided, would be his bedroom.

The other door revealed another bedroom with a single bed, an armchair, the same desk, dresser, and mirror as the master bedroom, as well as a small bookshelf with only a few books. This was most likely where a child slept, though when he looked through one of the thicker books it was far more like something he'd have read in his late teens, the few pictures showing ghoulish creatures draped in shadows and swooning maidens awaiting rescue by their handsome true loves. He sighed as he set the book down on the nightstand, he'd certainly have plenty of reading time out here.

Seeing he'd seen all there was to the cabin aside from the cellar, which he was in no mood to enter when the evening was setting in, he got to work unpacking his things, stopping only the eat supper and check on Darwin before finally collapsing in his new bed, slipping abnormally easily into a deep sleep.

He was running, he wasn't sure what from. The woods were to dark to see past his arm in the night and he barely managed to avoid tripping over exposed tree roots in his haste to escape whatever was at his heels. The trees grew bigger and darker the deeper into the woods he ran, the frantic beat of his heart drowning out all other noise as he kept running. He tripped over a large rock, sending him tumbling into the ground, no doubt scraping his knees in the process. He tried to get up but his limbs wouldn't cooperate, leaving him helpless where he lay.

Gerard jolted awake to the sound of a howl, still blearily from sleep, and stumbled his way to his window, seeing nothing. He sighed, sure the sound had come from his dream, and went back to bed, where he tossed and turned until sunrise.

He fed himself and Darwin, and rode into town to buy any supplies he might need that he didn't have at the cabin. The town's people were polite enough, if a bit bad at hiding their stares. He entered the town's general store, taking in the large shelves behind the counter filled with all sorts of odds and ends. He hadn't been standing long when the door to the back room opened, and a man stepped out.

"Oh, hello! Are you staying at the inn?" The man looked surprised to see him, they must not have new faces around all that often.

"Oh, no," Best get the awkward introductions over with, "I'm Gerard, I just moved into the old Way cabin."

"Well Gerard, it's nice to meet you, I'm Ray, I own and run this store. If you need it, I've most likely got it! What can I get for you today?" Rays smile seemed genuine.

"I'm mainly looking for these items." Gerard handed Ray a list he'd made of supplies he'd need, Ray took the list and looked it over.

"Shouldn't be a problem, and if you're living here now, might I recommend visiting our tavern? Tell the owner Ray sent you and She'll give you a discount on your first drink." Gerard nodded, "I'll consider it."

After completing his purchases and giving Darwin another apple, Gerard headed back to the cabin, he wasn't quite ready for more social interaction just yet.

He spent the next several hours working in the stable, and then moving on to the garden. He wasn't new to gardening, when he was young he often helped his grandmother with her garden, which was easily three times the size of the one he had now. When he finished pulling the weeds he was left with ramsons, radicchio, some raspberry, blackberry, and strawberry bushes, a large rose bush, and some wildflowers that he didn't have the heart to kill. He planted some radish, spinach, carrot, potato, cabbage, and broccoli. He'd rather avoid hunting when possible, tho he'd probably have to come winter.

Sighing, he sat back and admired his work. The plant's would have a much easier time thriving now that they weren't competing with the weeds.

He stood up and dusted himself off, freezing when he heard a branch snap nearby.

He held completely still and listened, straining his ears to hear, but heard nothing more. It was probably a raccoon, he reasoned, as he turned to go back inside the cabin, or a squirrel, yes, it was probably a squirrel. He was in the middle of nowhere, there were animals all over the place, it shouldn't surprise him when he's not he only living creature out and about.

He took a book from the shelf and sat in an arm chair to read, he'd earned a break.

Gerard woke bleary and unsure how long he'd been asleep.

He eased himself into a sitting position and looked around, the light outside was growing dim but still there, so he hadn't slept to terribly long, at least not through dinner.

He staggered his way into the kitchen to fix his food, pouring himself some wine to ease his nerves, and made his way to eat on the edge of the front porch, unnerved by the quiet stillness inside the house. The crickets would make far better eating companions than the deepening shadows of his lonely kitchen.

The trees were to high and dense to enjoy a sunset in its full majesty, but the area was bathed in a soft warm glow, he ate and watched it cool as night descended, twisting shadows slowly creeping out of the tree line like grasping hands. He felt tiredness settling in his shoulders, his arms, an unfamiliar ache in his feet, even when his family had vacationed in the woods in his childhood there'd been servants but now, now he was on his own. Even with the drowsy weight of a days work settling in his bones, he'd never felt so light, so finally free.

The next day he went into town again. He wasn't to keen on socializing, but people suspected the hermit. If he made a good impression then maybe they'd see him as hardly worth their attention, he certainly didn't want them thinking he was holed up in his cabin communing with the devil. His first stop was the post office, sending off the letters he'd penned on his journey to his new home as well as the one he'd written the night before as he settled in for bed, an ink sketch of a fearsome beast peeking out from behind gnarled trees taking up the majority of the page, Mikey would love it.

Once done at the post office, after weaseling his way out of what was sure to be a painfully dull conversation about the merits of a good wax seal with the post master, he cautiously made his way into the tavern.

It was a warmly lit place, and the air smelled of food and drink of a surprising variety. The few patrons quietly chatted amongst themselves, not sparring him a single glance as he made his way to the bar. He was in the middle of wondering if he should be relieved or a bit insulted that he wasn't of any interest when another person slid into the seat next to him. He looked up to see Ray beaming at him.

"Gerard! It's good to see you, how's the cabin been treating you?" Ray leaned in slightly, though his smile never dimmed, "see any local monsters?"

Gerard raised a brow skeptically, "local monsters?"

"Oh yeah," Ray waved a hand, "we've got all kinds of stories, mostly just old drunks, I'm sure, but that's most of the fun of living out here, isn't it?" Ray shrugged.

Just then the bar maid came over, and Ray turned to her, "Elise, this is Gerard, he's moved into the old Way cabin."

Elise smiled at Gerard, doing a small curtsy, "A pleasure, we don't get many new people out here. Occasionally we'll see visitors for our harvest festival, but they come and go. It'll be nice to get to know a new face."

Gerard smiled back politely, nodded his head in acknowledgment. "I haven't attended a festival in far to long, I look forward to it."

Her smile grew a bit and she turned to Ray, "now, what can I get you?"

Gerard tuned out as Ray gave his order, wondering if the festival would be like the ones he remembered as a child, he hadn't realized how long he'd been lost in thought until Ray and Elise turned to him expectantly.

"And what will you have?"

"Oh, um," he hadn't looked at a menu, looking around he realized there weren't any, "what do you recommend?"

"We've got eggs on toast with coffee, it's a popular morning choice."

He nodded, "that'd be perfect, thank you."

Elise nodded and went on to continue her work.

"You know, one of our local tales involve the harvest festival."

Gerard turned to Ray, trying not to let too much interest show on his face, "what happened?"

Rays eyes practically lit up, he must enjoy having someone new to talk tall tales with, "A family came down, a young couple and their little son, the boy couldn't have been much older than 6 or 7, I think, sickly little fellow. Small for his age, too. They were traveling through on their way somewhere else, but stayed in the inn for the festival, so they could celebrate the boy's birthday. Well, on the night they were set out to leave, something happened to them. The next morning their carriage was found on the side of the road, ransacked. The parents bodies were found farther into the woods, but the boy was nowhere to be found. Some people say he's still out there, dead or alive. Some believe he was also killed, either the same as his parents or by the elements, they say his spirit haunts those who stay out in the woods at night, asking them if they've seen his parents. Others believe that he's still alive out there, surviving as a deranged cannibal who feeds on unsuspecting victim's who travel alone at night."

Gerard shuddered, not quite from disgust, he hadn't had the thrill of a good ghost story in a while, "Did anybody ever look for him?"

"They did at first, but some saw wolf tracks and got spooked. The parents weren't killed by wolves, so some wanted to keep looking, but the search parties grew smaller and smaller. I was fairly young at the time, just young enough that I wasn't allowed to join, but I never really stopped looking."

Gerard's eyes widened, but before he could respond, Elise was there placing his and Rays orders in front of them.

"Here you are, boys."

They ate in companionable silence, only interrupted as a group of men entered, calling for Ray to play them a song. Ray smiled and excused himself, pulling out a weathered baroque guitar that Gerard had failed to notice before. He watched as ray made his way to the center of the tavern, the chatter turning to cheers and whistles as he strummed a few opening notes.

Gerard sat back and watched Ray play, he was good, and the taverns patrons soon joined in, singing along enthusiastically. Gerard had used to sing at parties and taverns when he was younger, before his parents deemed it an unfit past time, the atmosphere building around him now was one he'd sorely missed. He'd stay at least until Rays set was over, maybe he'd even join the singing crowd, if he heard a song he was familiar with.

A few hours later he was headed back home to his cabin, leaving Ray with a promise to return and sing with him again. He'd made a friend, it seemed, and the taverns other patrons had been welcoming of a new voice and the few new songs he'd shared, and after the singing had ended a few even sat with him to exchange tales tall and short.

Things were going rather well, he thought as he dismounted Darwin, petting his snout and beginning to walk around the side of the house to the backyard, very well indeed.

He stepped around the back of the house and froze, there, in his garden among his berry bushes, stood a boy. He was facing away from Gerard, shirtless and dressed in ragged pants that stopped just above his ankles. His hair was longer than most boys Gerard had seen, stopping at his shoulder blades.

Gerard wanted to ask the boy what he was doing there, but he didn't want to startle him away, he wasn't doing any real harm, and there were plenty of berries to share. The longer Gerard stood there, the more awkward he felt. He didn't want to say anything, but silently staring wasn't a good thing to do either. He looked around and saw a basket he'd left out, that could work.

He picked it up and held it out, "excuse me, but you can take some with you, if you'd like?"

The boy startled, back going rigid as he spun around to face Gerard, wild eyed. He stood there staring back at Gerard, not speaking a word.

Gerard swayed the basket slightly, the boys eyes looking to follow the motion, "you can take this and fill it with berries, if you'd like." He repeated, trying his best to seem as non-threatening as possible.

The boy was still a moment longer, studying Gerard's face before slowly and cautiously coming over and taking the basket with a nod, moving back to the bushes but not turning his back to Gerard.

Cautious of strangers, Gerard thought, that was a good thing to be. He supposed he should have been cautious of him as well, but he didn't look dangerous or distrustful, he looked like he belonged out here, amongst the trees and grass and dirt. He was barefoot, Gerard noted, he'd probably been coming here to pick berries for years. He couldn't have been as young as Gerard initially thought, as he had a small amount of stubble around his jaw that was visible when he'd taken the basket.

"Right," Gerard cleared his throat, "I'm going inside now, if you need anything, you can knock. If I don't answer, I'm probably sleeping."

The boy looked back at him and nodded, he made direct eye contact a lot, Gerard noticed, his gaze was intense for someone almost a head shorter. Gerard nodded back and went in the back door, unsure of what to do with himself now.

After some time of attempting to keep himself busy by arranging and rearranging the books in the sitting room, he finally caved and peered out the back window. The young man was gone.


	2. Like a song you can’t get out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard gets a surprise at the bottom of his doorstep.

Days past and Gerard kept thinking of the strange young man, who was he? Where'd he come from? He didn't seem to be from the town as far as Gerard could tell, He'd scanned every crowd he'd come across and hadn't seen hide nor hair of him. He thought of asking Ray about him, but something held his tongue. He tried forgetting about him, but every time he passed a window facing the garden he'd find himself disappointed to find it empty save for the plants.

As weeks went by he started spending more time in town at the tavern, preforming alongside Ray and building a surprisingly decent reputation with the town's folk as a result. Mikey was skeptical in his letters that the Gerard he knew was able to accomplish such a feat so quickly, he'd hardly been there a month. Gerard invited him to come down and see for himself when he found the time, and Mikey declined his offer, but not unkindly.  
Gerard never worked up the nerve to mention the strange young man to either Ray or Mikey, and if every now and then he left a basket of food on his back step before leaving and it was gone when he returned, only for the basket to reappear on the step empty a few days later, well, that has his business.

It was soon early autumn, the leaves had yet to change and the chill had yet to bite. Gerard was doing his rounds around his property, making sure nothing was broken and that Darwin would be secure in the stable. There was a storm brewing on the horizon, a solid wall of smoke dark clouds loomed in the distance casting everything below in midnight shadow, Gerard took a moment to admire the contrast to the sunlight where he stood. Struck by inspiration, he looked to make certain everything was in order and holed up in his sitting room where he had his art supplies spread out in a makeshift studio, going to the charcoals first.

Hours past and the storm only grew, thundering and roaring as rain battered the cabin from all sides, the wind whipping against the window shudders. Gerard had been putting some finishing details on a piece depicting cloud giants decimating a small village when he thought he heard something, a howl that wasn't quite wind. He stopped and listened, and there it was again. He peered out his window but saw only darkness. He was making his way into the kitchen when something thumped against the back door, causing him to jump. He waited, but there was nothing more. He steeled his nerves and grabbed his lantern, forcing himself forwards, and paused to take a breath before cautiously opening his back door.

There, at the base of the step, was the strange young man. Except he wasn't alone, he had his arms around a frighteningly large wolf, made to look even bigger by the mans own smallness. There were two other wolves farther back, they all eyed him distrustfully, but the wolf supporting the mans weight crept closer, whining slightly as it brought the man closer to Gerard. It was then Gerard noticed the blood matting the wolf's fur where the man was draped against it's side. The wolf gently eased the man to the ground on his back, pulling away from his arms as they dropped to his sides. Gerard clamped a hand over his mouth at the sight of the man, he'd clearly been attacked. Gerard's first instinct was to suspect the wolves, but why would they bring him here if they intended to eat him? Why bring him here at all? He was snapped out of his thoughts by the wolf whining loudly, lowering its head and backing away, but not leaving. Slowly, keeping his eyes on the wolves, he made his way to the man, crouching next to him and gently lifting him into his arms.

The man groaned faintly, and Gerard risked a quick glance at his face, which was creased slightly in pain, eyes closed. He wasn't conscious from what Gerard could tell.  
He looked back up at the wolves, who hadn't moved an inch from where they stood, silently watching him. He carefully made his way back up the stairs and inside, shutting the door with his foot. He quickly but still carefully carried the man upstairs to the unused bedroom, glad he'd recently washed the sheets in a fit of boredom. It wouldn't do to tend to wounds on dusty sheets. He laid the man down and ran about the house getting a bucket of clean water he was going to use for washing as well as bandages and wash rags. When he had all he thought he'd need he got to work carefully washing he blood and mud from the man so he could see how bad off he truly was. He hesitated at the mans pants, but he was clearly bleeding from somewhere on his leg, so Gerard maned up and averted his eyes as he removed them, briefly glancing and yep, his manhood was still there. Gerard covered his bits with the sheet, for privacy, and set to work bandaging him up. 

All in all the man had a nasty gash from the top left of his chest to the bottom right of his rib cage, not as deep as it first appeared, but painful looking all the same, his right arm was sprained, his knuckles were scraped as well as his knees, there was a bite mark on his right leg, and a bleeding lump on his head hidden by his hair that Gerard wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't thought to check.   
Gerard wasn't a doctor, but he knew enough to know that the worst he'd have to worry about was infection and scaring. He'd get the doctor in the morning if the man took a turn, for now he tucked the man in, he was shivering and Gerard didn't know how long he'd been out in the freezing rain and wind, but he bet it was far to long to be healthy. Gerard sat in the armchair near the bed and kept watch as the man finally stopped shivering and some color returned to his pale cheeks, and sighed in relief.

He went to the window, but it was to dark to see if the wolves remained. He debated locking the doors, but if the wolves were determined to get in what good would that do?  
He sighed again, unsure of how to proceed. He could stay in the room, but there was nothing to do but stare at the man as he slept, which felt creepy. It wasn't like the man was in any shape to just waltz on out the door if Gerard left the room, so really, he had no reason to be in here right now. He made sure the man was as comfortably tucked in as possible, hopefully he'd be warm enough to stave off any cold or illness, and set about cleaning the mess he'd made patching the man up. After all the mud and blood had been cleaned, there'd been a small but gruesome trail made worse by the rain water that had dripped from the back door to the guest room, Gerard finally felt the beginning stages of exhaustion seeping in and made his way to bed, leaving both his and the mans doors open so he'd hear if the man woke. He quickly changed and was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The morning greeted him with bright sunlight directly in his eyes. He groaned and rolled away, nearly falling back to sleep before he sprang out of bed, the previous night smacking him full force upside the head. He crossed the hall and peered into the mans room to see him still sleeping peacefully, not looking quite as pale as he had the previous night but still looking a little worse for wear. Gerard let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and set about getting ready for the day, as well as finding some food for his unexpected guest. While in the kitchen he glanced out the window, at first thinking the wolves had gone, but then movement just past the tree line caught his eye. They were keeping their distance, but they were still there. He'd have to ask the man about that when he woke. He ate his food and took the mans up to what was currently his room, at least until he was well enough to leave. The man was, predictably, still asleep. Gerard left his food on the nightstand and went to wash the rags and his clothes from the previous night. They were probably a lost cause, but he might as well try.

He was cautious as he stepped out the front door, but saw no wolves, so he slowly made his way down the path to the nearby stream carrying a large basket filled with the dirty cloths. He'd been down to the steam to do the washing a few times, and had bathed there once, when the weather had been warmer, but he'd felt unseen eyes upon him and hadn't been comfortable enough to disrobe there since. He'd wondered at the time if it could have been the man watching him, but why would he? Gerard wasn't much to look at, surely, all pale skin and soft middle, and male. Very male. He knew there were other men who were of... similar interest... far more than "polite society" would have you believe, but he highly doubted the man was of his ilk.  
The man was young and pretty, if a bit wild looking. He was sure to be popular with women, they adored doe eyed boys with soft looking hair, even if there were leaves and twigs in it.

Gerard sat the basket down and perched on a large rock and began to scrub, doing his best to empty his mind of all thoughts except the task at hand. He needed to get this done and over with, he'd only just left the cabin and already he was paranoid that something would happen in his absence. What if the man woke up? What if the wolves changed their minds and broke in and ate him? What if the cannibal man Ray told him about caught wind of the man in Gerard's cabin, injured and vulnerable and bloody rare like an uncooked stake? He shook his head, he was being ridiculous. He scrubbed and scrubbed until his hands became numbed by the cool water and his bar of lye soap was almost half gone, but you couldn't see any signs of blood on the cloths if you tried. He wrung out the load as best he could and lugged it back to the cabin to hang it to dry in the back near the garden, keeping an eye on the wolves who still lingered past the trees.

It was time for lunch by the time he finished, and he went up to check on the man. He peered around the doorway but the man appeared to still be sleeping. He quietly made his way over to the man, noticing the food from earlier was gone, so he had been awake at some point. Gerard watched him breathe for a moment, taking note of the soft ragged edge to it. Frowning, my gently placed a hand to the mans forehead, the man was slightly warm, but not concerningly so. Still, Gerard would need to keep a close eye on him, just to be safe. He gathered up the plate from this morning and put it in the ever growing stack on his kitchen table of dishes to be washed when he found the time, and made a modest but decent lunch for him and the man, he'd really need to ask his name when he woke up.  
At some point after leaving the man's lunch for him on his nightstand Gerard had found himself working of the clouds he'd been capturing the previous night, making changes and adding details when he felt he needed to. He'd been at it a good few hours when he heard a loud thump from upstairs. He took the stairs two at a time and caught himself by grabbing the doorframe, coming to an abrupt halt that nearly sent him off his feet.

The man looked up startled from where he lay on the ground in a heap, he'd clearly tried to get up and that clearly hadn't gone as planned.  
Gerard approached him calmly as when one would approach an injured animal, which the man wasn't, but he was unpredictable just the same. "Are you ok? What do you need?" Gerard kept his voice quiet and steady, wanting to appear as non threatening as possible.  
The man blinked at him, opening his mouth and then closing it again, narrowing his eyes and squinting up at Gerard. He tried to push himself up off the ground but his sprained arm buckled and he nearly fell back on his face, Gerard dropping to his knees and catching him by the shoulders just in time.

"Careful, you'll reopen something." Gerard looked him up and down, it didn't look like he'd done anymore damage. "I'm going to help you back into bed, ok?" The man looked into his eyes and nodded, moving his gaze away from Gerard, almost seeming embarrassed. Gently, Gerard slid an arm under his armpits and another under his knees, ignoring the fact that the man was completely naked as he carefully lifted him up and into the bed.  
Gerard cleared his throat when the man was settled, but still very naked and uncovered. "well then. I'll, uh, how about I grab you something you can wear?" He didn't wait for an answer as he ducked out of the room, crossing the hall and opening one of his chests of clothes that he still hadn't finished unpacking. He grabbed a shirt but stopped to consider pants, they'd be far to long and getting them on the man was bound to be more painful than really necessary. It's not like he'd be walking around, and he was small enough that the shirt would cover anything important.

Gerard returned to the room and awkwardly held the shirt up, "this should do? For now?" The man nodded and held his arms up as far as he could with the sprain, right. Of course he needed help. Gerard put the sleeve over the sprained arm first, careful not to jostle it, and then the other arm. The man ducked his head and Gerard eased the rest of the shirt over his head and torso, gently moving his hair out of the shirt collar. The man stared up at him and Gerard took his hands back, clearing his throat.  
"Right, well. There's a chamber pot under the bed if you need it, if you need anything else, yell or something?" He looked to the plate from the mans lunch, everything had been eaten except the few strips of dried meat. "Do you not like meat?"  
The man shook his head, gaze as intense as ever.  
"Oh, well, I'll remember that from now on then. Should I give it to your wolves? Are they your wolves? I mean they brought you here..." he trailed off, the man looked contemplative. Gerard watched the man as he seemed to be thinking something over intently before he looked Gerard in the eye and spoke.  
"They're my family."  
"Oh," Gerard blinked, "They... raised you?"  
The man nodded, "yes."  
"Oh. Ok. Um, now that we're on speaking terms, my names Gerard, um, yours is?"  
"Frank." The man- Frank, didn't smile, but he seemed amused.  
"Frank. Ok. Ok Frank, I'll be in my room across the hall or downstairs, I'll be back here to bring you dinner later, no meat. Do you, uh, do you need anything before I go?"  
Frank shook his head, the corner of his mouth lifting into an almost smile, "no, I'm good."  
Gerard nodded, "right. Well, I'll let you rest then." He turned to leave but paused awkwardly in the door, casting one last glance at Frank over his shoulder, Frank, who was sitting in his guest bedroom with messy soft hair and wearing nothing but one of Gerard's shirts, Frank, who was looking at him with his big pretty eyes and perfectly arched eyebrows, Frank, who Gerard now felt a personal obligation to protect. "Right." He said again, and finally left the room, going down to try and work on his clouds some more, the occasional wolf or small wild man sketched on pieces of scrap paper as he planned out the more elaborate pictures. It wasn't until the sixth or seventh time he'd drawn Frank that he realized just how doomed he was, and he knew this was only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I’m real torn because I want to write this slow burn without rushing myself but I also have this other fic idea that I’m also super exited about, I spent several hours editing the twink frank pic (you know the one) so that Frank is in drag, and I really want to write it but I’ve also got a few other unfinished and unpublished fics I still gotta work on as well, but I really want to finish Amber Eyed before I commit to starting another long fic, which is what I intend for the drag fic.
> 
> I also made blue prints of Gerard’s cabin, and I’m not sure if anyone would be interested enough that I should include them, maybe at the beginning or end of next chapter, or the end of the entire story?  
> Tell me if any of you would be interested in that, feedback is appreciated.


	3. Cabin blueprints and a map of the forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the visuals I made, I actually originally made these to help with spacial continuity. Also making stuff is fun.
> 
> I am writing the next chapter right now, I’m just trying to capture Gerard’s awkwardness without tipping the scale into stilted dialogue, whether or not I’ll succeed only time will tell.
> 
> I’m also brainstorming my next fic “the drag fic” (the one with the picture I made of Frank in drag).  
> I also also have a pwp I wrote in boredom that I might post if I finish it, it involves Frank inside a locker and ends in porn.

Blueprints of Gerard’s cabin,

A map of the forest drawn by Frank, berry picking spot (Gerard’s cabin) circled.


	4. A fever you can’t break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay longing.

Gerard was just giving Frank alone time to rest was all. Sure Gerard had questions for him, why did wolves raise him, how did wolves raise him, what happened to his human family, was he by chance the boy from Rays story, all very good questions. But there's a time and place for such questions, and Frank didn't seem like he was up for an interrogation any time soon. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Gerard's heart skipped a beat when he thought about all the ways he could do something that would ruin the peaceful life he'd carved out for himself here.

Gerard wasn't avoiding him. As a matter of fact, he was taking him his dinner right now, and intentionally going into the same room as somebody is the opposite of avoiding them, so he wasn't avoiding Frank, alright?  
He'd already eaten his own dinner alone, he wasn't sure if Frank would welcome an eating companion, let alone be offended by Gerard eating meat in front of him, though now the thought of Frank being bothered by seeing meat consumption seems silly, considering the whole "raised by wolves" thing.

Gerard was startled out of his thoughts as he rounded the doorway to Frank's room and was greeted by the sight of Frank... reading a book.  
Gerard stood quietly in the doorway and watched as Frank's eyes steadily moved across the pages, reading line after line before turning to a new page. He was... actually reading from what Gerard could tell. How did he know how to read? Obviously the wolves didn't teach him, so then how-

"You're starring."  
Gerard jerked himself back to attention, Frank didn't look up from his book. "sorry? It's just, you said you were raised by wolves?" He walked forward and placed Frank's dinner on the nightstand for him.  
"I was."  
"Then... how do you know how to read?"  
Frank looked up at him with a narrowed expression, considering, before answering. "we're raised by those who teach us to survive, not just those who birth us. My parents taught me to read, it was worth dick all after they died."  
Gerard shifted uncertainly under Frank's gaze, knowing what he wanted to ask but unsure of how Frank would respond. "I'll... leave you to your reading then. I'll be back up later to change your bandages."  
Frank nodded and went back to his book. Gerard stood awkwardly for a second more before forcing himself to move, leaving the room with a thousand more questions than he'd had before he came in. He may as well do the dishes while he was looking to distract himself by keeping busy...

Gerard spent the last bit of daylight sitting on his back step scrubbing the dishes in a big wash bucket, working by lantern light when the last of the suns rays disappeared under the trees. The wolves were still there, creeping around the lights edge, their eyes glinting in the formless shadows, but they weren't nearly as threatening as they'd first seemed. Now he could see they were restless with worry, not bloodlust.  
The wolf that had carried Frank, he could recognize her by the faint traces of blood still clinging to her fur, sat the closest, laying with her head on her big paws just inside the circle of light. She was old, much older than the other two wolves that lurked around the cabins perimeter. After some time watching them sniff and prowl around he'd realized they were guarding the cabin. Guarding it from what, he wasn't sure. Maybe they were guarding against whatever had attacked Frank? Was it still out there? The wolves didn't seem bothered, so Gerard supposed he shouldn't be either, but still, he couldn't help but remember how Bloodied Frank had been when the wolves had brought him.

What had done that to him? The wolves seemed rather protective of Frank, so whatever it was must have been strong enough to get past them to get to him. A mountain lion? They usually weren't this close to civilization, but he didn't really know where Frank lived in the woods, and if he lived with the wolves as seemed to be the case, it wouldn't be that outlandish a theory. If it was a mountain lion that had attacked Frank, he was lucky to be alive, that much Gerard was certain. Gerard sat and watched the wolves idly prowl around for a bit, because seriously, when the hell was he going to have another opportunity to be this close to live wolves and live?  
Breathing a heavy sigh, Gerard stood to take the now clean dishes inside, Frank's bandages would need to be changed, and it was getting late.

The sight of Frank reading wasn't as shocking the next time around, his long hair spilled over his shoulders and the flame light from the lamp by his bedside bathed him in a warm light. He was beautiful, and Gerard's fingers itched to capture his beauty in this moment in every artistic medium he could get his hands on.  
Gerard quietly cleared his throat to announce his presence, not wanting to be caught staring again. "It's time to change your bandages."

Frank looked up from his book and nodded, setting the book on his nightstand.  
He looked back at Gerard expectantly and Gerard realized he was still standing in the doorway, he prayed the flush in his cheeks wasn't noticeable as he made his way over to Frank with the fresh bandages. Frank lifted his arms like he'd done when Gerard had dressed him and Gerard knew for sure that his blush was visible, and was grateful Frank couldn't see him as his shirt was removed.

Frank was silent as Gerard changed his bandages, letting out the occasional hiss of pain but saying nothing. Gerard could feel the silence pressing down around them as well as if it were a physical presence, heavy and suffocating as a summer heat, but couldn't bring himself to open his mouth and shatter it. There was an almost comfort to it, if neither spoke, neither could offend. As much as Gerard longed to know everything about Frank, he was terrified of what he might learn.  
Frank's wounds seemed to be healing, though they still looked painful, and the swelling in his wrist had gone down. Gerard's hands hovered over the blanket covering Frank's lower half, he needed to check on the bite, but, he looked over at Frank, unsure of what to say.

Frank rolled his eyes, shoving the blanket off entirely, not seeming to care that Gerard could now see his, well, everything. Gerard squeaked and barely resisted the urge to cover his eyes, earning him an amused scoff from Frank.  
Gerard kept his eyes on the bandage as he carefully unwound it from Frank's calf, sucking in an alarmed breath when he saw the angry red around the bite wound, the skin hot to the touch. He looked up at Frank and reached out to press a hand to Frank's forehead, Frank grabbed his hand and pressed it to the bed.  
"I'm fine." He grit out, suddenly seeming far more like a wild man then Gerard had ever seen him.  
"Frank, you need-" Gerard began, quickly interrupted by Frank, "No Gerard."  
"It's infected. You need a doctor."  
"I won't be seen by anyone from that shit town."  
"Why?" Gerard tried to hide the desperate note in his voice, "why won't you?"  
Frank went silent again, his jaw clenched, and he turned away from Gerard, refusing to look at him.  
Gerard sighed in frustration, wrapping the definitely infected wound with as much care as he could. Come morning he'd set off for the doctor, regardless of what Frank said.  
He cast one last look towards Frank, still stubbornly turned away from him, before turning and leaving the room.

Gerard was woken up by the sounds of awful retching from across the hall, he stumbled out of bed and to Frank's room as quickly as possible, nearly tripping over his own feet on the way. Frank was leaning over the side of his bed taking gasping breaths, tears streaming down his face, at some point he'd managed to get his shirt back on himself, there was vomit on the floor.  
"Fuck, Frank." Gerard whispered, crossing the room to him, mindful of the mess, and pressed a hand to Frank's forehead. Frank didn't protest this time, he was almost leaning into the touch, he was burning up. "Shit." Gerard cursed, moving to pull his hand away but Frank grabbed it, pulling it back. "Please don't leave me alone." Frank pleaded. He sounded so... broken. Gerard felt an ache settle in his chest looking at the smaller man, Frank stared back at him with glazed unfocused eyes, a deep sadness in them that Gerard had never seen before.

"Ok, just, come here." Gerard's words were barely audible as he lifted Frank into his arms for the second time, this time Frank curled into him, hands grasping Gerard's shirt with shaking fingers. "Did you," Gerard glanced at the mess on the floor, "get it all out of your system?"  
Frank pressed his face into the crook of Gerard's neck and nodded.  
"Ok," Gerard breathed, "it's going to be ok." Frank made a soft noise in response as Gerard carried him across the hall to his bedroom, they wouldn't both comfortably fit in Frank's bed.  
Gerard laid Frank down in the spot he'd been sleeping in previously, easing Frank's grasping hands off his shirt. Frank made a face and watched as Gerard walked around the bed, only relaxing when Gerard was in the bed next to him and smoothing the blanket over them both. Frank soon dropped off into a fevered sleep, but sleep didn't come as easily for Gerard, he found himself staring at the rise and fall of Frank's chest for what seemed like hours, unable to make himself look away.

This was dangerous. Frank was sick and vulnerable and dependent on Gerard and Gerard, Gerard was attached. He barely even knew Frank and yet, it was as if he couldn't fathom his life leading him to anyone else. He needed to bury this. Frank could never know. Nobody could ever know. Gerard would allow himself this night to imagine, but no more. He'd accept whatever moments he was given with Frank while he recovered and when Frank was well enough to leave he would, and Gerard will accept that as well.  
People like Gerard, they don't get that happiness. They don't meet their perfect match and they don't get those moments that poetry can only dream of conveying and they don't get to grow old with their lovers. A relationship with him would be one of shadows, any light shone upon it would bring their destruction. That is, if Frank could ever feel the same.

Gerard watched him, just to make sure his chest still rose and fell. Frank faced him in the dark as he slept, and Gerard took the opportunity to study his face, from the elegant line of his brow to the soft fan of his lashes, to the dark stubble at his jaw. Gerard wondered how he'd learned to shave, what he did it with. It was the last coherent thought in his head before sleep finally claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated releasing this as it’s own chapter or combining this and the next chapter into a single longer chapter, I decided this was ok as it’s own chapter.


	5. One hearts lonely lament

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gerard is that Brooklyn nine nine meme. You know the one.

Gerard awoke to a loud distant knocking and Frank shivering violently next to him. He reached out to brush Frank's hair out of his face and felt an icy bolt of fear ram through his chest at the heat radiating from Frank's small shaking frame.  
The distant knocking soon became a pounding, and he heard his name called. Quickly he got out of bed, sparing a worried glance at Frank before making his way down the stairs to the front door.  
He'd barely gotten the door open before he was gently but quickly pushed aside by Ray, who shut the door behind himself the moment he was through.

"Gerard, You're alive!"  
Gerard didn't have time to respond that of course he was alive, why wouldn't he be? Before he found himself in a very tight hug.  
"You haven't been down to the tavern for the past few days, and I started to worry, so I decided to come check on you and Holy Shit there are wolves surrounding your cabin!!!" Ray pulled away from Gerard, hands griping his shoulders, "why are there wolves surrounding your cabin?!"  
Gerard blinked at Ray, still processing what was happening. "I uh, I think it's better if I show you."  
Ray still looked confused with a touch of manic concern, but nodded and followed Gerard up the stairs. They'd hardly made it past the door of Gerard's room before he heard Ray gasp and felt him grab his arm.  
"Frank." Ray's whisper was almost inaudible, but confirmed what Gerard had been suspecting. Frank was the boy from Ray's story, the one who'd disappeared all those years ago.

Ray turned to Gerard, "How?"  
"I caught him picking berries from my garden weeks ago. I hadn't seen him since, but I left food out for him every now and then."  
Ray nodded, but didn't appear any less confused, "And the wolves?"  
Gerard looked over at Frank, not liking how pale he was, how he still shivered. "They brought him here, during the last storm we had. He was injured and unconscious. The wolves are guarding him, I think. He says they raised him."  
Ray let out a slow exhale. "Jesus. I just. I can't believe he's really alive. I'd hoped he was still out there somehow, but he was such a frail boy when I knew him."  
They stood in silence, both unsure of what else to say.

Frank shifted in his sleep, face drawing up in pain, "Gerard..." He rasped, voice weak.  
Gerard was at his side in an instant, taking Frank's hand in one of his and pressing the other to Frank's brow. He looked up at Ray, not even bothering to hide the desperation in his voice, "He needs a doctor. One of his wounds is infected, he insisted he wouldn't be seen yesterday, but last night he took a turn for the worse." The 'I can't bear to leave him' went unsaid, though Ray seemed to understand.  
"I'll fetch the doctor, he lives nearby. The wolves?"  
"If they payed you no mind when you arrived, then they don't see you as a threat."  
Ray nodded, still looking as if someone had told him the sky was purple, "I'll be back as fast as my horse will carry me."  
Gerard sent Ray a small smile as he left, then turned back to Frank, who seemed to have settled back to sleep. Carefully, and reluctantly, Gerard took his hand back from Frank. There was still a mess in Frank's room to clean up, and Gerard couldn't risk the doctor getting any suspicions, for both their sakes.

He was glad he'd thought to keep some water from the night before, instead of dumping it all after he'd finished the dishes. He carried a bucket and cleaning rag up to Frank's room and set to work, trying not to think about the night before, how lonely Frank must have been all those years in the woods. He'd just finished with the last of the mess when he heard the front door open, Ray's rushed quiet voice drifting up the stairs accompanied by two sets of footsteps.

He met Ray and the doctor in the hall, motioning them into his room. The doctor wasted no time in beginning his assessment of Frank, checking him over before having Gerard assist in removing the bandage from the bite mark on Frank's leg, frowning at the wound.

The doctor turned to Gerard, "Your friend," he nodded towards Ray, "tells me you found this man unconscious in the road during the storm, is this true?"  
Gerard glanced over at Ray, greateful he hadn't mentioned to wolves, "Yes. I brought him in and tended his injuries the best I could, last night he woke with a fever."  
The doctor nodded again, "the wound is infected. I'll do what I can, but at the rate it's advancing..." The doctor trailed off, but they all knew the end of that sentence.  
Ray stood by Gerard, a hand on his shoulder as they watched the doctor work, both were silent. Gerard hid his face in Ray's shoulder when he couldn't bear watching any longer, Frank didn't wake but he'd flinch in pain as the doctor worked on the wound.

Finally, the doctor stood from where he'd knelt at Frank's bedside, covering the freshly bandaged leg with the blanket.  
"Give him plenty of rest and water to drink. Send for me again if there are any changes."  
Gerard nodded and thanked him, watching as Ray saw him out. He was still staring vacantly at the doorway when Ray came back in.  
"Have you eaten yet?"  
Gerard startled, looking over to Frank before frowning, "No, not yet."  
Ray nodded and left the room again, but Gerard didn't hear the front door open.

Frank looked so small suddenly, laying in Gerard's large bed, shivering despite the blanket that practically swolowed him. Gerard felt something inside his chest clench. carefully, Gerard climbed in bed with Frank, lifting and maneuvering him so he was half sitting between Gerard's legs with his back to Gerard's chest, Gerard's own back against the headboard. He pulled the blanket up around them where it had slipped down, praying that Frank would now be warm enough for his shivering to subside as he wrapped his arms around Frank's middle, holding him as close as he could while still being mindful of his injuries.  
He was struck by how perfectly Frank fit against him, how relaxed he became in Gerard's embrace. How long had it been since Frank was last held? Had he had anyone to care for him like this after his parents died? For Frank to be deprived in such a way seemed horribly cruel to Gerard, who'd always had his mother, grandmother, and brother to hold him when he was unwell. He couldn't imagine losing them. Had Frank seen his parents die? The thought made Gerard's stomach turn.

Gerard lost track of how long he sat there, simply holding Frank, before Ray appeared in the doorway, holding two plates of food. He sat on the far side of the bed, sitting one plate next to himself and reaching over to place the other next to Gerard.  
Gerard shook his head at the plate, recognizing the food as being from the tavern, "He doesn't eat meat, and I don't think he's ready for solids food yet."  
"This plates for you. I'll leave to get something more suitable for him after I've seen you eat." Ray's tone left no room for argument.  
Gerard sighed and unwrapped one arm from Frank to pick at his food.  
Ray filled him in on what he'd missed at the tavern in his absence, and he told Ray what he could about Frank, asking him how he'd met Frank the first time.

"He was a small boy, and his parents were constantly worried about him. I was seen as responsibile and mature for my age, so my parents and his agreed that I should look out for him while they were here, they really had stopped to celebrate Frank's birthday, although they were to continue traveling after.  
Frank was fun to have around, we taught each other songs we knew and he talked about the places he'd been, the things he'd seen and people he'd met. I showed him my guitar and he'd seemed quite taken with it, I tried teaching him for a bit but he was only here for a few days before... Well. They think it might have been thieves. Frank's family had money, though they were humble about it, and when their carriage was found all their belongings were ransacked, nothing of value was left." Ray looked at Frank then, remorseful that such a tragedy had befallen his friend, "He didn't deserve this. Nobody does." Ray took their empty plates and stood, "I'll be back, you'll be ok?"

Gerard nodded, not sure he could find his voice, and gave Ray a small wave. Finally alone, Gerard let himself finally process the doctor's words. He'd known Frank was hurt bad, but to know the extent, to know that he might... No. He wasn't. Gerard was going to do everything he could to get Frank well again, and then Frank would leave to live out his life however he choose, and Gerard was going to live out the remainder of his days singing at the tavern and writing to his brother.  
"Please," he whispered into Frank's hair, "Please get better. I know we don't know each other and my words probably mean nothing to you, but please." And if a few tears escaped Gerard's eyes, nobody was around to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been trying to write as much as I can, but things have been crazy for everybody lately. (I live in the USA, soooo...)


	6. For a broken wolfs cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long, please read the authors note at the end.

Frank slept through most of the next few days, as time went on he became more and more able to keep food down. He seemed to be improving, even the doctor agreed when He'd come to check his wound, but Frank still wasn't better yet, his fever still burned and Gerard spent as much time as he could at his side, only leaving for the short periods of time that Ray managed to all but physically drag him away.

They were sitting on the back steps, Gerard cleaning some vegetables for Frank's dinner while Ray played his guitar, the wolves idled about, seeming to enjoy the sound.  
"He's getting better, you heard the doctor, slowly but surely." Ray tried to be positive, Gerard knew it was for both their sakes, but he just couldn't ignore the fear he felt when he'd wake up to Frank laying so still next to him, how he had to place a hand to Frank's chest over the nearly healed scar and feel his heart beat against his palm before he was able to breathe again.

Ray was the more rational of them both, he didn't become emotionally dependant on people he barely knew just because he felt responsibile for their well being. Gerard was nothing to Frank, and Frank now felt like everything to Gerard. He'd tried to stop it, but you can't choose how you feel about someone, you can only try to cope and hope there's still enough left of you in the aftermath to pick up your pieces. He sighed, "yeah."  
He thought he was done with this, he'd moved out here to get away from this, but the problem wasn't the city. It wasn't the lose morals of youth or the untouchability of wealth, it was him. This was all him.

Later, when Ray had left for the night, Gerard laid awake next to Frank and for the first time in months felt the old familiar urge he'd so often felt in the city, to go out and seek his own destruction in whatever form he could find, be it in a pub or a drug den or the mouth of some faceless man in a darkened alley, so gone that he'd hardly remember the encounter in the morning, only lingering guilt interlaid with flashes of pleasure, a hand trailing down his abdomen, another curling around the back of his neck.  
He'd always promise himself that was to be the final time, that he'd resist going back, he knew he was lying. He'd been almost caught the last time, and he knew he'd do it again, so he left. He packed up his life and moved out here and here he was again, his destruction sleeping within arms reach.

Frank shifted in his sleep, rolling halfway onto his side before hissing and rolling back, huffing in frustration at the way the movement agitated his injuries. The room was dark, but Gerard could make out Frank's silhouette as he turned his head his way. Frank was silent for a long while, just facing Gerard in the dark.  
"Why do you bother?" His voice was sleep slurred, soft but ragged with disuse, "You see a strange man in your garden and you offer him your food, you share what you have and get nothing in return, and when he's dropped on your doorstep you take him in and nurse him back to health, why?"

Gerard wasn't sure how he should respond, this was the first time Frank had spoken to him since the night he fell ill. He opened and closed his mouth, a thousand excuses dieing before they found his lips.  
"Why wouldn't I?" He could feel Frank's eyes on his face, he knew without seeing that his gaze would be as intense as it was the first day he'd seen him.

"You've no obligations to me, I'm just some wild man who trespassed on your property. I'm nobody."

Gerard ignored how the way Frank spoke about himself as though he was nothing made his gut churn. "And who do you imagine I am? I'm no more anybody than you are, Frank."

"You're somebody," Frank's tone held an air of certainty, "you have a future. I can tell you come from money, you've got a name that means something. You'll live out here for the novelty of it, then you'll go back to wherever you came from and find a pretty wife with whom you'll pass down that name. Why trouble yourself along the way?"

Gerard pushed himself up, sitting against the headboard. "I left that name to my younger brother, that future is his now. All I am is all you see before you now, and even that's more than I've ever deserved."

"And why save me? Am I your atonement?"

Gerard huffed a humorless laugh, letting his head fall back against the headboard with a soft thunk, "There's no salvation for men like me."   
Frank shifted again, and Gerard felt his hand brush against his own, his breath caught, he pulled away. "You should rest, I'll be downstairs if you need me."  
Frank said nothing, but Gerard could still feel his eyes on him as he left.  
Gerard spent the rest of the night with a wine bottle, drinking until sleep finally pulled him under.

The next morning woke him with sunlight and laughter, the soft strumming of guitar strings floating down the stairs. One laugh he knew was Ray's, the other, a cheerful giggle that tinkled like small bells must have been Frank. Gerard gave himself a moment to simply appreciate the sound, hoping desperately the someday he'd be the cause of it.  
Reluctantly, he sat up fully from where he'd drunkenly draped himself across the arm chair in the sitting room, the twinge in his neck making him regret not passing out on the settee instead.

Standing to stretch, his gaze landed on a plate of food on the fireplace mantle, no doubt left by Ray. He picked at the food, slowly eating and ignoring the pull to go upstairs. They sounded like they were having a grand old time up there without him, there was no reason for him to go up and ruin it with his... Gerardness.  
Plate empty, he sat on the settee and rummaged under it, pulling out some paper and a stray pencil that had rolled under there at some point. He hadn't written to Mikey in a while, it wouldn't do to have him worry.

He was in the middle of drawing Mikey a picture of the old wolf, she was the one that would sit the closest to him when he sat outside and so she was the one he had the most reference sketches of, when he was interrupted by footsteps on the stairs.

"Oh, you're up, good. Frank's been asking about you."

Gerard looked up at Ray, who was standing halfway down the stairs, leaning against the banister. "He has?"

Ray rolled his eyes fondly, "First thing he asked when he woke up, 'Has Gerard left? He seemed upset with me.' I don't know what you did, but he's been talking my ear off about you. I think he's just excited that he can actually have two sided conversations."

Gerard felt his heart skip, Frank talked about him? "What did he say? About me, what did he say about me?"

"Nothing bad, I can assure you, he's... Curious. We're the first people he's talked to in a long time. He's a lot like how I remember him from when we were children, but there's something fundamentally different about him, too." Ray didn't elaborate, but Gerard knew what he was referencing, he'd seen the far away look Frank would sometimes get, the sadness in his eyes when he was too gone in his fever to remember to hide it.

"It must be good to have your friend back."

Ray smiled, "yeah. Hey, you should come upstairs, I've been working on a new melody and Frank's been helping me write the lyrics, we'd really value your input."

"If you're sure..." Gerard fidgeted with his pencil.

"I'm sure." Ray's eyes were fond.

Frank didn't verbally acknowledge Gerard when he entered the room, but Gerard caught him sneaking glances his way more than once as he and Ray worked on their song.  
Gerard tried to appear busy with his drawing, but there was something about the way Frank sang that kept pulling him in, his voice wasn't perfect, but that was it, wasn't it? It wasn't perfect, it was Frank.

He was putting the finishing touches on his drawing, checking his shading and line weight, erasing over the empty space around the wolf where his hand had left stray smudges, he let himself start to drift.  
He didn't realize Frank had stopped singing until he felt the bed dip next to him, Frank leaning close over his shoulder to see what he was working on.

"That's my mother." He was so close, Gerard could feel the fevered warmth that still clung to him. "She's the one who found me after... She protected me, kept me safe."

Gerard turned his head, having to lean back slightly to properly see Frank, "she's out in the backyard, hasn't left since she brought you here."

Frank looked up from the drawing to meet Gerard's eyes, "I want to see her."

Gerard opened his mouth but Ray cut in before he could respond-  
"Are you sure you should try walking so soon? Your leg's hardly healed."

Frank turned to Ray, "I didn't walk up here, I won't need to walk down there."  
Ray looked at Gerard, who was at a loss for words. Frank turned to Gerard as well, a challenging glint in his eye.

"I-" Gerard stuttered, shrugging his shoulders, "it's your choice, Frank." Frank smiled, turning to Ray and lifting his arms, making grabbing hands like a child.

Ray laughed, swinging his guitar behind his back to free his arms, "seasons change..." He chuckled, lifting Frank as carefully as he could.  
Gerard trailed behind them to the backyard, leaving his drawing on his desk as he left his bedroom. Seeing the way Ray was with Frank made him miss Mikey, he could clearly see how the two were brothers in all but blood.

Frank's "mother" perked up immediately when she saw him, waiting patiently as Ray lowered him to sit on the step before gently nuzzling Frank, causing Frank to giggle as he buried his hands in her fur, hugging around her neck. The wolf appeared to be nearly twice Frank's size, big enough to easily overpower all of them if she so chose, and yet she was so very gentle with Frank.  
Frank grinned up at Ray and Gerard, nodding to the empty spaces to his right and left on the step.  
Ray and Gerard shared a nervous glance before Gerard moved to sit next to Frank, Ray following shortly after.  
Sure they'd seen the wolves up close, but never quite THIS close.

The old wolf sniffed at Frank, her head slowly turning to Gerard, he felt himself freeze up as she leaned in towards him, sniffing at him as well. He held still as she made eye contact with him, her posture wasn't challenging but still intimidating as she moved even closer to him. He could swear she was evaluating him.  
Eventually, just as he could feel himself break into a nervous sweat, she backed off, returning to nuzzling Frank again.

Frank laughed as Gerard looked at him for some clue at what had just happened, "I smell like you." Was all he got out before breaking into giggles again.  
Ray was looking between Frank and Gerard with a mixed expression, mostly relief, as he nervously ran his hands along the body of his guitar.

Eventually Frank began insisting that Ray and Gerard preform for him like they did at the tavern, Gerard reluctantly agreeing and soon he and Ray were off the steps and dancing around each other, doing their best to imitate their usual tavern set without tripping over the ground or falling into the vegetables. Frank clapped along, clearly delighted and the old wolf curled at his feet, her massive head resting on his lap.

Gerard tried not to show how flustered he was to have Frank beaming at him like that, hoping the flush to his checks would go unnoticed and that his voice wouldn't crack. It felt very important that he impress Frank.  
When their set ended Ray and Gerard took a bow, both sitting back down on the steps slightly winded.

Frank turned to Gerard still smiling, though it was a softer thing now, "I didn't know you could sing like that."

"I used to sing at parties when I was younger." He shrugged, needing to look away from just how bright Frank's eyes were in the mid morning light.

Ray began to softly strum, a sweet sound that faded into the moment, Frank shifting his focus to observing how Ray played the notes, his shoulder lightly pressing into Gerard's.  
They all sat for a while, simply enjoying the last of the years warm weather before Autumn's chill crept in.  
Gerard closed his eyes, allowing himself to simply exist. No worries of the future, no thorns of the past, just the peaceful melody and the feeling of Frank relaxing against his shoulder.

After a while the playing slowed to a stop, Gerard cracked open an eye to peer at Ray, who was watching him and Frank with a gentle expression.  
"I think he's had a bit more excitement than he was ready for just yet."

Gerard looked down at Frank to find he'd fallen asleep against him, the light filtering through the trees softening his features and adding a glow that made him look angelic. Gerard's fingers again itched to draw him, he'd spent many of his younger years tearing himself apart in a despite bid to capture true beauty, he bared his soul and broke his heart again and again, and all of his work, all of his greatest efforts, all of it paled in comparison to the man asleep on his shoulder.

Ray quietly cleared his throat, breaking Gerard away from his staring, "I should head back into town, it's nearly time to open the store." He was looking at the sky, but didn't seem disturbed by the moment happening next to him, just out of place.  
He stood, looking back at Gerard, "you good to get him back inside by yourself?"

Gerard nodded. The old wolf seemed to catch on and she stood from where she lay, moving to the place she'd been when they'd come out.  
Gerard picked Frank up the same as he'd done before, Ray holding the door open for him and wishing them a good day before the door was closed and Gerard was again alone with Frank. He really shouldn't be this easy to carry.

After Frank was back in bed Gerard sat at his desk, his head in one hand and a pen in the other, writing poetry for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I researched the history of pencils for this.
> 
> I’ve been listening to The Wolves (act I and II) by Bon Iver and In The Woods Somewhere by Hozier nonstop while writing this, if any of you have songs that remind you of this fic or if this fic reminds you of any songs please let me know, music helps relieve my writer’s block.  
> Sorry this chapter took so long.


	7. But don’t despair, my darling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The longer I stare at words the more they all look misspelled.  
> Hey, finally some actual progress!

Frank's fever had finally broken, though his leg wound wasn't completely healed. Gerard hadn't expected him to be quite so, energetic.  
The feverish Frank he had gotten used to had spent the better part of his days in a deep sleep, Gerard would sit at his desk drawing for hours accompanied by the soft sound of Frank breathing.  
Now, it was like Frank had suddenly been pumped full of all the energy he'd been lacking while sick, but he was still bedridden.  
Gerard was eternally grateful to Ray for giving Frank his spare guitar, otherwise he was sure they both would have gone insane, although sometimes he questioned whether or not it was truly worth it when Frank tried and failed to play the same cord for over an hour. He was learning impressively fast according to Ray, but Gerard really wished he wouldn't play at midnight while Gerard was trying to focus on his paintings.

Frustrated, he looked down at the landscape he'd been working on for the past several hours. It was to be a gift for his mother, if he could ever finish it that is.  
Another sour note rang through the quiet house and Gerard sighed, rinsing his brush in the paint water before setting it to dry.  
As frustrated as Gerard currently was, he couldn't be mad at Frank, he was sure he'd be far worse if he was ever in the same position.

He was passing by the bottom of the stairs when he heard another sour note followed by an angry curse. Quietly, he slowly crept up the steps, pausing at the top where he could just barely make out Frank's frustrated muttering,  
"Can't even play one note right, stupid piece of- this is why nobody ever looked for you. Useless sickly runt, Fuck."   
Something in Frank's voice broke at the end, wobbling off into a near sob. Gerard's heart ached.

Purposely, he stepped on a creaky floorboard, the sound entirely to loud in the small hall. The muttering stopped instantly, leaving only the echo of the groaning wood ringing in the air.  
Gerard took another step and politely knocked on the closed door, "Frank? Can you help me with this painting I'm working on? It's missing something, but I just can't figure out what. It would mean the world to me if you took a look at it."   
There was silence for a moment, then the sound of Frank clearing his throat, "yeah, um, sure. Bring it up." 

Gerard didn't hesitate in turning to retrieve the painting, not wanting Frank to suspect he'd overhead what was definitely a private moment.  
When he returned painting in hand he knocked once more before entering, not wanting to barge in even though it was his room.

Frank was sat up on the bed, his guitar next to him, and his hair was an absolute mess. They'd need to figure out a bath for him at some point, not just wiping him down with damp wash rags.  
Gerard pulled himself out of what was definitely not an appropriate train of thought and held up his painting, it was a view of the forest from a distance, tall and imposing but alluring just as it had been the first time he'd seen it.  
Gerard watched Frank study his work closely, searching his face for signs of approval. He wasn't lying about Frank's opinion being important to him.

"It's beautiful," Frank looked up at him and Gerard felt his heart skip at the sincerity in his eyes. "But.. why the forest? Why not a flowery field or a sunset?"  
Gerard had to look away, prolonged eye contact with Frank was more than he could bear. "I don't know. There's just... Something about it that draws me in."  
Frank nodded, seeming deep in thought, "Maybe you need a break, you've been painting for hours. I'm sure you'll figure out what's missing, you just need to give yourself a little time."

Gerard looked down at his painting, "maybe..." He carefully sat the painting down against a wall. "Maybe you could tell me about the forest, you're bound to know more about it than anyone else."

Frank looked away, clenching his jaw before letting out a slow breath, "yeah. I suppose it could be... Nice, to talk about it with someone." His eyes meet Gerard's, "you'll have to tell me about where you're from, in exchange."

Gerard shrugged, sitting down on the farthest part of the bed from Frank, "sounds fair. I'll go first, it's something I've been wondering about for a while now..."  
Frank shifted, seeming nervous about where the question was going. Gerard took note of this but continued, "Do you shave your face normally? When I first saw you you hardly had any stubble at all, but now I'd swear you have a bit more than when your wolves brought you here."

Frank stared at him, looking at bit confused, before he started laughing. "That's your first question? Of all things?"  
Frank's laughter quieted into soft giggles as he spoke, "I spied on men camping out in the woods, sometimes I'd steal a bit of food or a trinket they weren't likely to miss. I saw one shaving his face down by the river, and the wolves howled in the distance, calling me home. The man was so startled by the noise that he dropped the blade he was using and ran. I've used it ever since, beards are too itchy in the summer." Frank grinned absently, before becoming more serious, "Now it's my turn, why did you move here? Why not stay in your mansion with all your money and find a pretty wife? I know I've already asked this, but you never truly answered me."

Gerard shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to explain himself without actually giving anything away. One part of him didn't want Frank to suspect him, but another equally loud part of him desperately wanted to hold out hope that he might have a chance. "It just wasn't the right life for me. The city was, it was stifling, especially when your name is so well known. You can't walk down the street without people gossiping about how the cut of your suit is surely a sign that you'll be the downfall of your family's good name. You can scarcely breathe without causing a scandal."

"And did you? You mentioned something about there being no salvation for men like you, what did you mean by that? You don't strike me as a religious man. What sin do you believe you've committed?" Frank's tone held no judgement, and his expression was open and curious, Gerard almost wanted to tell him, just to see how he'd respond.

"We're all sinners, aren't we? At the end of the day."  
Frank raised one eyebrow, unimpressed, "That's not an answer."  
"And it's not your turn. You're asking twice in a row," Gerard defended. "Why didn't you ever go back to the town? I can't imagine it was easy, living alone in the woods all those years."

"I wasn't alone." Frank sounded slightly defensive, "And I couldn't trust anyone from the town, any one of them could have been the ones who killed my parents, I couldn't risk them killing me too. I was... Waiting. I thought, at first I thought that maybe, someone from my family would come looking for me, so I stayed. But-" Frank's voice had begun to shake, he cut himself off, clearly uncomfortable with how much he'd said. He cleared his throat before changing the subject, "Now it's my turn again. Same question as last time."

"Frank," Gerard sighed, not wanting to go back to this again.  
"You won't scare me," Frank cut him off, "I've seen what men come to the forest to hide. Was it a mistress? A forbidden lover?"  
Gerard had to stop himself from chocking, "That's-"  
"I'm right, aren't I? Fall in Love with someone of the wrong station? A maid perhaps? Why not just elope? You had enough money, surely you could have-"  
"No. It wasn't that simple, I'm not, I don't... It's not that simple." Gerard was aware of how flustered and frustrated his voice sounded. He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair.

Frank was looking at him now, something close to realization in his eyes before he quickly looked away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed, it's none of my business." He sounded sincere, and Gerard couldn't help but believe him.

He let out a slow breath, "It's, I don't blame you for being curious, Frank. I am too. it's just, this isn't something people talk about."

Frank looked at him again for a long moment, face carefully neutral. "I think it's far past time for bed, and my leg's been feeling well enough that I'd like to try walking tomorrow, I'll need my rest."  
Gerard felt relieved that Frank seemed to finally take the hint to drop the conversation, and stood to blow out the candles before turning to leave. Frank's fever had broken, he didn't need Gerard monitoring him at night anymore.

"Wait." Frank's soft voice made him pause at the door. "I'm not, I'm not used to sleeping alone. The wolves always slept nearby for protection and to conserve heat."  
Gerard stood stunned, was Frank truly nervous? Of what? He knew the cabin was under constant wolf surveillance, and he'd lived in the woods for years without a roof over his head or walls and doors with locks to separate him from the numerus other predators that lurked in the woods. Despite his better judgement, a small bit of hope bubbled up in his chest.

They were both silent as he slid under the covers next to Frank, the large bed suddenly seeming much smaller than it ever had before. Frank slept turned towards him, his injuries finally healed enough to allow him to sleep on his side.  
Gerard took longer to fall asleep as usual, silently chastising himself for thinking that it meant anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same end note as last time, if you know any songs that you think fit this fic please let me know in the comments!
> 
> My song list so far is In the woods somewhere by Hozier, It will come back by Hozier, Like real people do by Hozier, The wolves (act I & II) by Bon Iver, and Buried in teeth by Mariee Sioux.
> 
> (The Hozier songs are actually more Frank’s perspective than Gerard’s, and Buried in teeth is where the fic title came from.)


	8. New cover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t entirely happy with the old cover so I made a new one.  
> The next actual chapter will be uploaded when I finish writing it.  
> (And yes, I am posting this both here and on Wattpad.)


	9. Even the darkest waters reflect light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard is a dramatic gay bitch and Frank isn’t actually clueless.

Gerard woke slowly, feeling warm and comfortable, allowing himself a moment to simply lay in a half awake doze before opening his eyes.  
When he did open his eyes he was very surprised to find Frank sleeping soundly on his chest with an arm slung around Gerard's abdomen, one of Gerard's own arms around his waist.

Gerard felt instantly conflicted. On the one hand Frank was apparently perfect for cuddling, he was pleasantly warm and just the right weight on Gerard's chest, and his soft slow breathing was calming to listen to. On the other hand, he was cuddling Frank.  
He could tell he hadn't moved in his sleep, which meant Frank had been the one to initiate the cuddling. It made sense, he supposed, Frank was probably used to cuddling with his wolves for warmth, it would make sense that when he was able to move in his sleep he'd subconsciously seek out the nearest heat source, It didn't mean anything more than that.

Gerard shifted, testing if he'd be able to slide out from under Frank without waking him.  
Frank frowned in his sleep, the arm that had been limply draped over Gerard tightening, holding him in place. Gerard stopped moving and Frank's frown melted, he rubbed his cheek softly against Gerard's chest, getting comfortable. Gerard sighed quietly, he was stuck.  
Sure, he could wake Frank, but Frank was still recovering and would need all the rest he could get, especially if he was planning on walking today.

Laying in bed with Frank in a way he'd never dared to fantasize about, Gerard was struck with the realization that this may be the closest he'll ever get to a lovers embrace. All of his encounters with men had been brief and anonymous, he'd never had anything resembling a romantic relationship. But if he ever imagined it, then surely it would feel something like this.

Eventually Frank began to stir, shifting and yawning against Gerard's chest, he opened his eyes groggily and looked up, his eyes meeting Gerard's.  
Gerard was frozen, entirely unsure of how to navigate this situation, should he apologize? Should he pretend to be upset? Will Frank be angry? Will Frank know?  
Gerard searched Frank's face but he seemed unaffected, and he still hadn't moved away. To Gerard's utter shock, Frank laid his head back down on Gerard's chest.

"Is Ray coming today?"  
Gerard wasn't in any state to cope with hearing Frank's sleep rough voice, and it took his brain a moment too long to figure out how to respond, "I think so, if he has the time."  
He knew his heart was beating out of his chest, and he knew there was no chance that Frank couldn't hear it.

"I hope so, I need to ask him about some cords I'm struggling with." For someone who just woke up cuddling with a man he barely knew, Frank seemed quite calm about the whole thing. "Do you think it's still somewhat warm out? I'd like to go outside."

"I can check, if you'd like?" As much as Gerard wanted to stay like this forever, he knew this couldn't last.  
Frank seemed to think for a moment before nodding, rolling off of Gerard's chest.

Gerard was thankful to step out of the room, he needed a moment to sort himself. He took his time making his way down the stairs and out the back door, standing on the steps and feeling the warm sunlight that filtered through the trees. There weren't to be many more days like this, autumn was descending on them quickly.  
Feeling a bit more centered, Gerard went back inside to get his and Frank's breakfast. It didn't mean anything unless he made it mean something, he told himself as he entered his room, nearly dropping the plates at the sight of Frank, completely naked in front of one of Gerard's chests of Drawers.

Frank looked over his shoulder at him before continuing his rummaging, pulling out a pair of pants and holding them up.  
"I hope you don't mind if I borrow a pair, I want to go to the river."  
"I don't mind," Gerard wasn't looking, he wasn't looking, "are you sure you can walk that far?"

"I suppose we'll find out," Frank bent over to put on the pants. Gerard looked before quickly looking away, moving to set their breakfast on his desk before he actually dropped the plates for real.  
"Why the river?" Gerard busied himself with straightening the papers on his desk.

"I haven't bathed properly since I came here, and I don't think you have either, it'll be to cold for it soon "  
Gerard did drop the papers he was holding, turning at last to look at Frank, thankful that Frank was now wearing pants, "you want to- You want-"

Frank rolled his eyes, "oh please, men bathe together all the time, it's not much different than swimming. It's not like neither of us have seen a cock before." He pulled a shirt out of a drawer, holding it against himself to see the fit before shrugging and pulling it on.

Gerard sat on the edge of his bed, completely speechless. How could he argue against this without raising suspicion? It wasn't uncommon for men to swim naked together in rivers and lakes, and he'd already seen Frank naked more than once. He couldn't think of any excuses that didn't revolve around "we can't because I'll probably get aroused and you'll end up disgusted with me." God help him, he was a dead man.

Frank seemed to be doing quite well walking, Gerard wouldn't be surprised if Frank had secretly been walking before he should have when Gerard wasn't in the room with him. The walk to the river wasn't a long one, and Frank held up alright, though his pace was leisurely.

The river was calm and serine, the water clear and inviting when Gerard knelt to check it's temperature. He heard cloth rustling behind him and kept his eyes down as he hesitantly pulled his shirt off, instantly feeling exposed. Frank passed him and entered the river first, ducking underwater to wet his hair before resurfacing, looking at Gerard expectantly. When Gerard just stood there holding his shirt in front of his chest Frank huffed and turned around, busying himself with giving his hair a bit of scrubbing.  
When Gerard was sure Frank wasn't going to peek at him he quickly finished undressing and got in the water a few feet away from Frank, using a bar of soap to scrub himself.

Frank would sneak glances at Gerard every now and then when he thought he wouldn't notice, Gerard couldn't understand what there was to look at.  
When he finished scrubbing himself with the soap he held it out to Frank, who scrunched his nose up but took the bar anyway, giving it a sniff before cautiously using it.  
Gerard tried to hide his amusement but the look Frank shot him told him he'd failed, so he let himself laugh openly.

"Oh fuck off, I'm cleaner without soap than you've ever been with it," Frank grumbled.  
"I haven't heard you complain before now," Gerard teased. Frank rolled his eyes, but Gerard could swear his cheeks were flushed.  
They lazed about in the water in silence for a while, simply enjoying the water for what very well could be the last time before the weather turned in it's golden shirt for a white coat.

Staring down at the light glinting off the waters surface like a sheet of crystal, Gerard was the first to break the silence.  
"My brother and I used to swim together in this old lake by one of our family's summer houses. I never swam into the deep, I've never been all that strong of a swimmer, but Mikey did one time, and he told me he felt like something was stalking him in the water. The water was black on the clearest day, a murky darkness that deepened the farther you went in, it was impossible to see the bottom." Gerard wasn't sure what made him bring up the lake, but when he looked over at Frank he could tell he was listening. "We told each other scary stories about that lake every year, daring each other to swim to the bottom. We never did, eventually we stopped going. Sometimes I wonder if there was ever anything truly frightening about that lake or if we made it that way. Like, maybe the only monster in the water was the one we put there in our minds."

Frank was quiet for a bit, contemplative. "Ray told me the ghost stories about me. I thought they'd forgotten me, but they just turned me into a campfire story, a Boogeyman. Sometimes I wonder if it's better this way. Sometimes I think it is.  
I was always sick, of course my family would think me dead, but the funny thing is I've never felt more alive. It's hard sometimes, there are days when food is hard to come by and winter is dangerous for the wolves, the towns hunters become more ambitious as game becomes scarce. But. Even on my worst days I don't think I'd go back. Even when it feels like these woods will consomme me. Maybe they already have. Nobody would have ever remembered me before, I'd have died young or I'd have lived long enough to become just another link in a chain. But out here, out here I'm a legend, I'm what goes bump in the night, and even after I die, people will remember that." Frank wasn't looking at Gerard as he spoke, trailing his fingers across the surface of the water, watching the ripples he created.

"I don't know what I'll be remembered for, but I know I'll never forget you." Gerard wasn't sure what prompted him to say it, but when Frank looked at him he knew he didn't regret his words.  
"I won't forget you either." And when Frank said it it sounded like more than a promise.

Frank swam passed Gerard and got out of the water, laying out on the sunny river bank to dry. Gerard internally debated for what felt like an eternity before begrudgingly accepting that he'd have to leave the water at some point, and it would be best to do so while the sun was still up.  
Once out of the water he grabbed the brush he'd brought and began fighting the ever losing battle of taming his hair, pretending that he couldn't feel Frank watching him.  
When he went to set the brush down Frank lightly grabbed his wrist, suddenly right in front of him.  
"Do mine?"

Gerard had to lean back slightly from how close Frank suddenly was. "Um. I guess I could..."  
Frank was moving before Gerard had even finished speaking, rearranging himself to sit with his back to Gerard, hands moving his hair to spill down his back.  
Gerard's mouth suddenly went dry, had he died at some point? Was this heaven or hell? Before he could dwell on it he gingerly began brushing Frank's hair, using his free hand to pick out the few small twigs he found. Frank's hair was soft under his fingers and warmed by the sun, a shade of brown so dark it was nearly black. Frank began relaxing into his touch, body leaning back as the line of his shoulders relaxed. His hair was longer than Gerard's, and Gerard felt himself untense as he worked out what knots he found.

His mind began to drift a bit as he worked, how nice it would be to have moments like this more often, how nice it would be if Frank stayed with him, but he knew that was something he'd never ask. Frank was this miracle wild man who survived for years in the woods by living with a wolf pack, he was so far above Gerard, so much more interesting, and Gerard knew that any interest Frank seemed to have would fade when he realized that Gerard was just... Gerard. He wasn't anything special.  
Frank turned to Gerard with a questioning look and Gerard realized that his hands had stilled.  
"Sorry, I got lost in thought."

They dressed and walked back in a soft silence, Gerard brimming with an emotion he couldn't quite place. Frank seemed pleased as he trailed behind Gerard, content even with the edge of tiredness that became sharper as they made their way back to the cabin. Gerard had no doubt Frank would nap when they got there.

Halfway back Frank stumbled over to Gerard and threw an arm over his shoulders, or rather tried to before Gerard ducked down to give him a better reach.  
When Gerard paused to give Frank a moment Frank jumped up on his back, legs around Gerard's waist and arms lose around his neck. Gerard pitched forward before catching himself, a mix of confusion and amusement in his voice when he scolded Frank, "A little warning next time perhaps?"  
He heard Frank huff a laugh, felt his warm breath against the back of his neck, "But Gerard, where's the fun in that?"  
Gerard mock sighed, but resumed walking, his hands griping the underside of Frank's legs to keep him from falling.

When they finally made it to the cabin, Gerard could tell that Frank had fallen asleep, his face tucked into the crock of Gerard's neck and snoring quietly. Not wanting to risk the stairs Gerard eventually managed to lay Frank out on the couch, though getting Frank to let go of him without waking him was a small struggle, it seemed he was a natural sleep cuddler. He grabbed the blanket from the bedroom and brought it down, tucking it around Frank and then lighting the fireplace even though it was midday and still mostly warm, he didn't want Frank to fall ill again.

He sat himself in the armchair with a blank paged book he'd taken to writing in, small snippets of stories he'd probably never finish and poems here and there about love and loss and pining and definitely not Frank.  
There were sketches too, some of them were unmistakably Frank, but nobody needed to know that.  
He felt himself grow comfortable and tired, the fires warmth making him positively cozy.  
He looked over at Frank and wondered not for the first time how he'd go back to how he lived before. He couldn't imagine waking up to an empty bed, or painting without the sound of Frank's guitar in the background.  
He hoped that when Frank did leave that he'd come back to visit, but it wouldn't be the same. As wrong as he knew it was, there was a small selfish part of him that wanted Frank all to himself. He hoped that would be the part of him that died when Frank left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song recs for the fic are always nice and appreciated.  
> Also if you’re wondering if Frank knows what he’s doing this chapter, the answer is not entirely but he is doing it on purpose. Gerard’s not subtle and Frank’s not blind.


	10. Though the waves are strong enough to pull us under

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’d just like to say no, I’m not sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly if I’d realized this chapter was going to be so short I would have combined it with the previous one.

Ray arrived with dinner, much to Frank's delight. They'd spent the day lounging around the sitting room, Gerard painting and Frank trying to sketch, at one point proudly holding up a sheet of paper with what appeared to be some kind of weird dog, well, Gerard thought it was a dog. "It's my mom."   
Oh. Well, if you tilt your head and squint...

Frank showed his drawing to Ray, who reacted much like an older brother, lots of "That's great dudes" and offering to bring over a frame for it. Frank declined, then handed Ray a different sheet of paper and told him this one he could keep and frame if he wanted.  
This really caught Gerard's attention, and he left his painting to peer over Ray's shoulder, it was a drawing of Ray playing his guitar. Gerard tried really hard not to feel jealous, but why hadn't Frank given him a drawing?

After they finished dinner Frank excitedly went to grab his guitar, leaving Gerard and Ray alone.  
Ray turned to Gerard, speaking in a quiet voice, "You know, I think he really likes you."  
Gerard nearly chocked on his wine. "What makes you think so?"  
Ray smiled at him, his eyes were knowing but warm. "Trust me."  
Gerard opened his mouth to ask Ray what exactly he was saying, but then Frank was coming down the stairs again and Ray sent him a look that said 'we'll talk later'.

Frank launched into a lengthy discussion with Ray about guitars and Gerard sat back and let himself watch. Frank was a passionate person, Gerard was learning, and when he talked about his passions he was captivating. His eyes lit up and his expression was so open, Gerard couldn't look away, Frank's laugh was like a siren song. Did that make Gerard Odysseus? Determined to hear the deadly song and still survive? He lifted his cup but found it empty.

Ray looked over at Gerard as he made his way to the kitchen, calling for him to bring him a glass while he was at it. Gerard stood in his kitchen and braced himself against the table, taking a moment before grabbing a clean cup and the rest of the bottle, returning to the sitting room and pouring his and Ray's drinks.

Frank was in a good mood it seemed, happily going on about this and that, though always bringing the discussion back to music. At one point he took hold of Gerard's cup, fingers over Gerard's, and stole a few sips of his wine. Ray laughed as Gerard turned red, stuttering out that if Frank wanted some, he could very well get his own.  
Frank just smirked, "I don't mind sharing with you."  
And near the end of the night it was hard to tell how much wine Gerard had drank and how much Frank had stolen.

When it was time for Ray to leave Gerard followed him to the stables, Frank too preoccupied with giggling to himself to notice.  
"I meant what I said, he likes you. I know how you are, and I know you like to put yourself down, so I know you don't see it, but trust me."

"I'm sure it's just in his nature, the man charmed wolves for heaven's sake, he's just being polite. I did save him, after all. It's not because I'm me, it's not because I'm special," Gerard cringed, hating how much his voice gave away.

Ray sighed, "I know you don't want to believe me, but I've known him longer than you have. Just. Don't hurt him in your certainty."

When Ray had left and Gerard entered the sitting room, Frank gave him a dopey grin from where he was sprawled out on the settee, the now empty wine bottle dangling from his fingers.  
"Gerard! Where did you go?" His happy expression turned to a pout, his brows drawing together in confusion.

Gerard gently took the bottle from Frank before his wide hand gestures could send it splintering into a million pieces, "I just went to see Ray off." He turned to set the bottle out of harm's way and when he turned back his arms were full of Frank.

"I missed you." Frank's whispering voice was muffled by Gerard's shirt but Gerard still heard him.  
"I was only gone for a few minutes," Gerard was grateful Frank was drunk enough that he probably wouldn't remember this come morning. Hopefully.  
Frank leaned back to look up at him, eyes glazed and unfocused, "You're my favorite."

That, Gerard wasn't sure what that meant, "what?"  
"I mean, I like Ray, he's my best friend. But I like you too. But it's different when it's you, you aren't my best friend. You're my favorite." Frank explained it like it made perfect sense, and in his drunken mindset maybe it did.  
"Let's get you to bed Frank. I think you've had a bit to much to drink." He grabbed the blanket from the settee and took Frank's hand.

"I haven't," Frank protested, but allowed Gerard to lead him up the stairs, "I've drunk way more before. People get drunk in the woods together all the time, they never notice the missing bottles in the morning. Usually I just wait until they fall asleep." Then Frank's face went a little pink, "Sometimes, sometimes they don't sleep." Frank then looked up at Gerard, "you end up seeing far more than you should, those times."  
Gerard was at a loss for words, but Frank continued, "It's mostly men. Have you ever seen how men do it?"  
Gerard tripped over the top step, almost falling flat on his face before catching himself. Lord have mercy on his poor tortured soul.

Frank patted Gerard on the shoulder on his way by, stumbling ahead of Gerard and flopping onto the bed, rolling over to his side and patting the empty space next to him.  
Gerard really really didn't think sleeping next to Frank was a good idea, but with the impatient look Frank was giving him, Gerard was certain he'd make a fuss if Gerard didn't at least lay next to him till he fell asleep.  
Reluctantly, Gerard got in bed.

His head had barely hit the pillow before Frank was cuddling up to him, wrapping his limbs around him like an octopus. Was it the tiredness or the isolation of living in the woods that made Frank so physically clingy? Was he this just his nature? He didn't cling to Ray like this, now that Gerard thought about it.

"You're my favorite." Frank's voice was again muffled by Gerard's shirt.  
Gerard sighed, "you don't even know me."  
Frank looked up, "yes I do."  
"No, you don't Frank. You've only been around me for a few weeks at most, you don't know what I'm really like."

"I know what you're like, when you think no one's looking." Frank's determined tone caught Gerard off guard, Frank seemed to realize what he'd said.  
"I mean. I only spied on you a few times," Frank cringed at himself, "shit. Please don't get mad, I didn't really mean to at first, I just, you weren't like anyone I'd ever seen before. I got... Curious." Frank ducked his head low, embarrassed.

Oh. Gerard wasn't really sure what to make of the situation. "I'm... Not mad."  
Frank raised his head again, eyes huge and earnest and hopeful, "you're not?"  
"No, I'm not." If that's what he was to Frank, something new and different to pass the time watching, then fine. He'd take it.

Frank smiled, "you're my favorite." Then, to the detriment of Gerard's overworked heart, Frank leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of Gerard's mouth before tucking his face into the crook of Gerard's neck and finally closing his eyes to sleep.  
Lord have mercy on his poor tortured soul indeed.

Frank was drunk, Gerard knew this, Frank was also affectionate. It wasn't anything Gerard hadn't experienced with drunk people before. Yes, he told himself, being drunk had just enhanced Frank's affectionate nature, that was all. In the morning Frank probably wouldn't even remember, and Gerard could pretend it never happened. "Yeah," he whispered to himself bitterly, holding Frank in a way he could only get away with in sleep, "pretend it never happened."

.

Gerard woke to an empty bed. He bolted upright, looking frantically around his empty room before stumbling out of bed in a panicked frenzy. He searched the entire house top to bottom, he ran outside and around his yard, but there was nothing. No wolves, no Frank.  
He was gone.  
Gerard collapsed into the dirt under the berry bushes that hadn't born fruit in weeks and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, this is important to the story and it would make a lot more sense if the story was told from Frank’s perspective, but that would ruin the suspense.  
> Let’s just say Frank’s had a moment of self realization.
> 
> Tbh I kinda feel like this chapter is a little cheezy but I guess that’s not to different than the others, and considering what The next ones gonna be like, well. We can have a little cheez, as a treat.


	11. And when you leave, your shadow still lingers,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should have just titled this whole story “Gay longing”.

He looked for a note, on top of the papers Frank had been drawing on the previous night. A note, a clue, something.  
Frank's drawing of his mom was there, as well as some pages of sketches Frank had done while drinking. Gerard carefully gathered them up, not wanting to smudge or crease them, he froze when he picked up the last piece of paper.  
It was him, Frank had drawn him.  
Gerard curled up in the middle of the settee, to emotionally exhausted to cry anymore.

He was still in the same spot when Ray walked in, he didn't look up.  
"Gerard? What's-"  
"He left, Ray. He's gone."  
He heard Ray's sharp intake of breath, heard him sit heavily in the arm chair. They sat in silence, Ray stayed until dark.

Gerard went on walks through the woods, going deeper and deeper each time, but he never found anything.  
Eventually Ray managed to drag him back to the tavern, Gerard threw himself into preforming with all that he had, trying to ignore the disappointment of returning to an empty house.

The weather grew colder, and Gerard worried. Frank wasn't fully recovered when he left, what if he fell sick again? What if what had attacked Frank returned to finish the job and Frank was to sick to get away?  
Gerard sat on his back steps at night, staring into the trees, listening. Watching. Sometimes it felt like he was being watched back. He went inside only after his fingers began to ache from the cold.

He had dreams like the ones he'd had when he first came here, of running through the woods, chased by some unknown danger. Some dreams were different, some dreams were him arriving home from singing at the tavern, and Frank would be there like he never left.  
Gerard knew not to call what he felt for Frank love, at least not in that way, but the potential was there, if he'd only had more time. He missed him terribly. He still wasn't used to waking up alone.

He painted scene upon scene of Frank playing with his wolves and fighting fearsome beasts,  
He didn't keep them, couldn't bear to look at them even when painting them felt like the only thing keeping him sane.  
Ray had one, hanging on the wall of his store. A peaceful scene of Frank sitting in a meadow with wolf pups, some resting in the grass while the others played.  
There was one in the tavern as well, showing Frank and a large beast staring each other down, both ready to pounce.

People saw the paintings while passing through town, and both Ray and Elise were more than happy to brag about personally knowing the artist. Soon people were commissioning Gerard, meeting with him at the tavern to talk business.  
He didn't paint Frank upon request, which only put his wolf paintings in higher demand, people would remark on how there was just something captivating about the paintings, Gerard couldn't help but agree.

It would snow soon, Gerard again worried about Frank. Surely he owned warm clothes, having survived winter many times before, but what if they weren't warm enough? Or if they were to worn?  
Gerard sent a list in one of his letters to his brother, asking him to send him a few items. He could have bought them from Ray, but he didn't want to deal with the pitying looks.

When a package arrived, Gerard opened it up, ensuring everything was there before packing the loose items in the sturdy travel pack. They were mostly tools, a knife, a sharpening stone, an axe, flint, he even put in a blank paged book and some pencils. He grabbed one of his warmer shirts and a good pair of pants from his wardrobe, packing those as well. Lastly he packed a few food tins, they'd stay fresh through the winter and would be useful on harsher days.  
He grabbed the full pack and the winter coat and boots from the package, taking them out to the back steps and arranging them so they'd be visible.  
The very last thing he did was pin a note to the pack.

Frank,  
I know you're experienced in the woods in ways I'm not, but please accept these. If not for your own peace of mind then for mine.  
Yours, Gerard.

Satisfied with his work, Gerard left for the tavern, where he had another meeting with a client.  
He didn't need the money, not when his family was still willing to support him financially, but it was nice to know that should his parents ever cut him off, a very real possibility when they realize that he isn't coming home, that he'd be able to support himself financially.

The tavern was lively, the harvest festival was in just over a week and there were already people from nearby smaller towns helping with the preparations.   
The man Gerard was meeting was old, with an air of quiet sophistication. They didn't waste time on introductions, just went straight to discussing the painting he wished to buy.  
It was one of Frank, the man explained that he'd seen one hanging in a friend's home and he needed to meet the artist. His family didn't like him traveling at his age, but he felt this was just too important.  
As they talked, one of the man's questions caught Gerard off guard.  
"These are inspired by the missing boy, aren't they?"

"I, yes. They are." No one else had asked him that before.  
The old man had a wistful look in his eye then, "I always liked to think he was still alive out there, somewhere. The paintings look like him too, or at least, what I'd imagine he'd look like now."

"You, you knew him?"  
The old man sighed, "oh yes, he was a sweet boy, he loved his family greatly. When I heard what happened, I wanted to come down to look for him, but my health was failing me." Gerard could see the regret in the man's eyes. "We were told they sent out searches, but they never found him. Your paintings, they make me feel like someone else remembers him. At least in that way I know he lives on, thank you."

Gerard nodded, unsure of how he should respond. Would Frank want him to tell people he was still alive? They'd never discussed it. Frank was more than capable of rejoining society if he so chose, but he picked the wolves. That meant something, and Gerard didn't want to say or do anything that could bring harm to Frank or his wolves, so he said nothing.  
In the end the man bought the painting, one of Frank joyously jumping around with his wolves, his mother wolf sitting off to the side with a watchful eye.

When he got back to the cabin, he went straight to the back steps. The pack, coat, and boots were gone, and in their place was a rock holding down a slip of paper. He hurriedly snatched in up, unfolding it to reveal messy handwriting,

Gerard,  
Thank you.  
Xo Frank.

Gerard sat on the steps for hours, reading and rereading the note.

He made a point to leave food out when he could from then on, now that he knew Frank was still in the area. It made him feel better, to know that he could still be significant to Frank in some way.

His songs had taken on a more somber tone as of late, singing of doomed romance and the uncertainty of death, they were quite popular, and he could often hear the townspeople humming them as they worked. Sometimes he wondered if his words ever reached Frank, if he'd know they were about him.  
Often that train of thought lead Gerard to wondering if Frank wrote any songs about him, he'd taken his guitar with him when he left, after all. Gerard missed hearing Frank sing. Gerard missed Frank.

He tossed and turned in bed, he still found it hard to sleep some nights. Eventually he'd give up and he'd try to find some way to pass the time until he could go to the tavern.  
Frank left just before winter hit, and soon it would be spring, the thought of the snow melting to make way for the blooming flowers felt mocking.  
How could the frigid cold be warmed without Frank's smile?

It wasn't healthy, to let it get to him the way it did. But. What was he to do?  
He sang at the tavern and looked after his horse and kept the cabin standing, and he went to bed each night hoping he wouldn't wake up alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is when we really get into it, just you wait.


	12. A dark figure amidst the trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ, I don’t know how I wrote this chapter so quickly.  
> You can all thank me now or whatever, jk I love y’all.

Gerard was deep in the woods, nearing the mountain range. He usually didn't wander this far, but the early spring weather was kind, and it felt wrong to waste it. He knew he wouldn't find Frank no matter how hard he looked, but he just couldn't kill that small bit of hope that still bubbled up from time to time.  
He'd been walking for a good few hours, and he knew he needed to head back soon if he wanted to make it back before night fall, but, he couldn't go back yet.

He stopped to examine some animal tracks. These were big, but they weren't from the wolves. He crouched down to examine them, not hearing as the woods went eerily silent around him. The toe pads weren't spaced right for them to be wolf tracks, they almost looked like-

Something rustled behind him, and before he could react he was pushed from the side, knocking him off his feet.  
There was a loud snarling and a searing pain in his leg, Gerard's mind was racing, he hadn't brought any weapons to defend himself. He braced himself for more pain but there was the sound of an animal crying out, then letting out a loud angry roar.

Gerard opened his eyes and gasped. Frank was there. Frank was actually there right in front of him, fighting off the biggest mountain lion Gerard had ever seen. Gerard watched in petrified awe as Frank swung his axe at the lion, getting it in the shoulder when it tried to swipe at him with it's massive claws.  
It swiped with it's other paw, Frank ducked out of the way and swung his axe, bringing it down on the beasts head. There was a sickening loud crack and the lion fell, body giving a few final twitches before stilling.

Gerard stared speechless at Frank's back as Frank stood over the felled beast, watching to make sure it's chest no longer rose.  
Gerard moved without thinking, wanting to instantly be closer to Frank, to touch him, to make sure he was really there, but moving jostled his leg, causing him to cry out in pain.

Frank was there in an instant, having dropped the axe when he heard Gerard in pain. Frank carefully unwrapped Gerard's fingers from around his ankle and rolled up his pant leg to assess the damage.  
His ankle was swelling up horribly, the skin already beginning to bruise, there was no way he could walk back on that.

"Frank?" Gerard didn't try to hide the fear and pain in his voice, there was no point.  
Frank looked at him, their eyes meeting for the first time in months, and pulled him into a tight embrace, his arms strong around Gerard's shoulders.  
"Tell me what to do, Gerard. I don't know what to do."

Gerard closed his eyes, allowing himself to savor the contact, to feel Frank's warmth, he realized he was crying, his tears leaving wet drops on Frank's shirt.  
"I need your knife."  
Frank didn't hesitate in handing the knife to Gerard, who took off his shirt and began cutting it into strips of cloth. Frank watched, taking the knife back when Gerard handed it to him.  
"It's only sprained. It needs to be wrapped to reduce swelling," Gerard explained as he bandaged his ankle, "I won't be able to walk on it till it's healed, I don't-"  
"You'll come with me. My home's not far."

Gerard's head shot up to look at Frank, who looked right back at him. "I don't want to be a bother." Frank couldn't really want him around, not after he left.  
"You won't be."

Frank was strong, but he couldn't lift Gerard, so he walked under Gerard's arm on his injured side, supporting his weight where his sprain couldn't. Together they hobbled through the forest, Frank leading and Gerard trusting that Frank knew where to go.  
Eventually they came to a stop near the bottom of a mountain ridge, Frank eased Gerard down to the ground before disappearing into a well camouflaged Hole in the rock.  
Frank climbed out a moment later, "Ok, this is where I keep my things and where I go to be alone, you'll be safe here. The wolves don't usually come over here so you should be good. I don't think they'd try to hurt you if they know you're with me, but I don't think you'd be comfortable being surrounded by that many wolves when you're injured. Put this on." Frank handed Gerard a shirt, it was the one Frank had worn when he left.

"I already met them, they seemed nice enough." Gerard pulled on the shirt.  
Frank laughed, "those were just some of my siblings, there's more. They couldn't all abandon the territory to come with me when I was ill. Come inside," Frank gestured to the hole in the rock, "it's getting dark and you need to rest."

Gerard dragged himself over and let Frank pull him inside, it was surprisingly nice. There was a lanturn sitting on a shelf in the rocky wall that illuminated the space in a warm glow, a pile of furs and blankets covered most of the floor, and there was a stack of books next to the travel pack he'd given Frank.  
Gerard allowed Frank to maneuver him onto the pile of blankets and furs, finding it surprisingly cozy.

"Have you had dinner?" Frank fussed around the space, seeming unsure of himself.  
"I ate on my walk, I just want to sleep now."  
"Ok," Frank grabbed a large soft blanket and covered them both up, laying his head on Gerard's chest, "is-is this ok?" Frank sounded almost nervous.  
Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, holding him close, "of course, why wouldn't it be?"

Frank kept his face hidden against Gerard's chest as he spoke, "I was worried that you'd be mad at me, for leaving like I did. I should have left a note but, I didn't know what to say."  
"Frank, you don't need to justify yourself. You were under no obligation to stay, I knew you'd leave when you were ready." Gerard just wished it hadn't been so soon.

"But you were so giving, you took me in and gave me food and a bed and you even let me close like this," Frank's arms gave a soft squeeze to emphasize his words, "and I can't ever repay you for it."  
Gerard tentatively pet Frank's hair, "Frankie, you don't need to repay me. You owe me nothing."  
Frank shook his head, "I owe you so much, more than you'll ever know. You saved my life, and now you almost died because of me."

"The mountain lion wasn't your fault, and you saved me. I'd say that makes us even." Gerard was still petting Frank's hair.  
"No. You don't understand. It is my fault, every bad thing that happens around me is my fault. I'm, I'm a curse to those I care the most about." Frank moved to pull away, but Gerard kept him close.  
"You aren't a curse, Frank. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You gave me something I never thought I'd get to have, and I'll always be grateful for that."

"No. I'm literally a curse, Gerard." Frank looked up at him then, and his eyes held that sadness Gerard had only caught small glimpses of before. "When my father was a young man, he slighted a witch. As revenge she cursed him, and for years he believed she was just a crazy hag, but then he meet my mother, and then I was born.  
I didn't cry, I didn't move, at first they thought I was dead, but I had a heartbeat, and I was breathing, though shallowly. My parents frantically searched for a cure to whatever illness plagued me, and eventually they found a healer who revealed that I was cursed to die slowly. My parents begged her to remove the curse, but curses can't be removed, only countered, so she made the most potent protection spell she could and cast it on me." Frank broke eye contact then, "however, there was a catch. Because the curse was aimed at my father's first born, someone he'd love greatly and with his whole heart, there were chances the curse could ricochet and lash out at the people that I, The people I love the most.  
There were small accidents around the house, my mother fell down the stairs once. Eventually my grandfather became greatly ill, and there was nothing the doctors could do to help him. I wasn't supposed to know about any of it, but I overheard my parents talking. They decided that it would be best if we went on a trip, they were taking me to the healer, to see if there was anything she could do to make me less dangerous to those around me, and then my parents died, and it was all my fault." Frank sniffed and Gerard realized he was crying, "if they'd just gotten rid of me then maybe they'd, maybe they wouldn't have-" he broke into a sob.

Gerard was at a loss, it was a lot to take in, but he knew he couldn't stand seeing Frank cry like this. "No Frank, it's not your fault, you can't control how you feel. You aren't a curse, you're a blessing, that's why your parents kept you, they couldn't bear to lose you."  
Frank cried into Gerard's chest, "It is my fault, I loved them so much. That's why I left you when I did. I realized that I, that I was beginning to love you, and I knew that it would kill you. so I left, I left and I thought I took my curse with me, but it wasn't enough, it didn't stop me from feeling the way I do."

"Frank, Frank I died the moment I realized you were gone." Gerard tilted Frank's chin up so he could look him in the eye, "I don't care if you're cursed, because a life without you isn't one I want to live. You don't know what I'd give to wake up next to you every morning. There wasn't a single moment those long winter months that I didn't think of you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and I'll fight death itself to be with you."

Frank gapped at him, "you, you don't mean that. You can't mean that."  
Gerard leaned forward and kissed him, he made sure to keep his touch gentle, certain that this was very likely Frank's first. Frank froze against him before kissing him back, body melting into Gerard's, his breath hiccuping.  
Eventually Gerard pulled back, but stayed close, "I love you, please let me love you."  
Gerard didn't think he'd ever forget how Frank looked at him then, heartbreak and adoration and longing in his gaze.  
"Gerard." Frank's voice was a whisper, like a prayer.

"We were doomed from the start Frank, there isn't a relationship I could have where death didn't loom over my head. If you're truly so certain that you're a danger to me, then we'll find someone to cast a protection spell on me as well. I'll do anything to stay with you."

It was Frank who kissed him then, his hands tangling in Gerard's hair and pulling him impossibly closer. This kiss lasted longer then the first, and it was Frank who pulled away this time. "I know where the healer lives, I can take you to her when you're better."

Gerard kissed Frank's jaw, "are you sure? What about your wolves?"  
"They won't mind, it's just a few days journey from here by horse. They'll wait for me."  
Gerard pressed a quick kiss to Frank's lips again, unable to help himself now that he could. They lay like that, Frank on Gerard's chest being mindful not to jostle his injured leg, trading kisses well into the night.  
With every kiss Gerard felt more certain of his love for Frank, and he knew deep in his bones that he'd meant every bit of what he'd said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh honestly a part of me was like, “is it to soon for them to confess their love and make out?” And then I realized this is Frank “I believe in love at first sight” Iero and Gerard “marriage after dating for like a year” Way, so.  
> Also it’s way to late at this point for Gerard to be unsure of his feelings, he threw himself off that cliff several chapters ago.  
> And Frank’s been, um, “curious” about Gerard since before he actually first appears in the story if you read the first chapters with his drunk “I totally spied on you without you knowing” confession in mind.
> 
> Is this too mushy? Probably but honestly I’m writing this for me and y’all are just along for the ride.


	13. Was it by the grace of consequence?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is smut in this chapter.

When Gerard woke, it was to a throbbing pain in his ankle and Frank still asleep against his chest. He felt his eyes grow wet, not from pain, but from joy.  
He finally had Frank back, after all those long months apart, and he couldn't be happier.  
The lantern had long since burned out, the only light being what filtered in through the entrance to the, cave? Did it count as a cave? It was smaller than his bedroom at the cabin, and it wasn't cold and dank the way he expected a cave to be. Grotto? Yes, that fit better.

The only light was what filtered in through the entrance to the grotto, and the dim light cast Frank's sleeping face in part shadow. He was just as beautiful as Gerard remembered, his hair was a bit longer than before, and he must have taken advantage of the recent warm weather to bathe in the river. Gerard was grateful in that moment that he'd done the same, he really didn't want to smell bad the first time he got to cuddle with Frank again, though Frank hadn't really seemed to care about how Gerard had smelled when they'd shared a bed.

Brushing his fingers through Frank's hair, something he could never get tired of, Gerard reflected over what all had happened the previous day. Finally having Frank back, learning about Frank's curse, holy shit. Frank killed a mountain lion.  
Gerard looked down at Frank's angelic sleeping face, his delicate features and slightly parted lips, and couldn't believe that he was looking at a man who'd single handedly brought down a fully grown mountain lion with only a hand axe.

Logically he'd known that Frank wasn't helpless, having survived in the woods as long as he had, but to actually see him like that... To see how strong and capable he truly was, it affected Gerard greatly, both emotionally and physically.  
What great deed had Gerard done to be allowed this closeness with such a man? What generous god had smiled down upon him? Gerard still couldn't understand what it was that Frank saw in him, he was just some man from the city, there were dozens just like him, but there was only one Frank, and Frank chose him.

He felt a warm feeling in his chest at that, Frank had chosen him. Frank hadn't chose him out of pity or obligation, but out of love. Gerard couldn't think of anything more precious than this soft revelation, this one truth.  
Even the knowledge of the curse couldn't cut through this delicate scene. Gerard hadn't ever thought about his death before in more than passing, he knew one day he would die, but he'd imagined it being a rather dull affair. Frank was so worried about being the end of Gerard's life, but he was the beginning.

He looked at Frank again and couldn't stop himself from pressing a kiss to his hair, wishing he could reach more of him.  
Frank shifted, moving his head up to nuzzle into Gerard's neck, sighing happily.

"Frank?" Gerard kept his voice quiet, not wanting to disturb Frank if he really was asleep.  
"Hmm?"  
"I meant what I said last night. I want to be with you, and I'll do whatever I need to do to stay with you."  
Frank raised himself up onto his elbows, sleepily smiling at Gerard, "I know." He then leaned down and kissed him, Gerard didn't think he'd ever get tired of this, there was no other way he'd rather wake up.

.

The days passed slowly, Gerard inpatient to start their journey to the healer and Frank insisting they wait until he was better. They spent their time talking and kissing, sometimes Frank would play for him, sometimes they'd sing for each other, occasionally Frank would read aloud to him from one of his books, and Gerard would try to explain the plots of books he'd read in the city.

Gerard woke up one morning to something pressing into his thigh. Frank was still asleep, though his hips twitched slightly and his breathing was a bit heavy, it didn't take Gerard long to realize that was definitely Frank's erection he was feeling.

Should he wake him up? Should he wait until Frank woke up on his own? Frank rocked his hips again and Gerard felt close to combusting, he could feel himself begin to sweat. Frank nosed along Gerard's neck, his warm breath making him shiver, Gerard's hands involuntarily clenched, accidentally pulling Frank's hair where his hand still rested from having fallen asleep while playing with the soft strands the previous night.  
Frank moaned loudly, hips stuttering before he suddenly went very still.

Gerard carefully removed his hand from Frank's hair, feeling the awkward silence as it filled the space between them but not having the words to dispell it.

Frank was blushing intensely in a way Gerard had never seen before, and he was still erect against Gerard's thigh. He seemed to realize this and moved to get up, brushing Gerard's own erection and causing him to inhale sharply. Frank froze once more, staring down at Gerard's crotch, his long hair obscuring his face from Gerard's view.

"Frank?" Gerard kept his voice a quiet whisper, not wanting to startle Frank.  
Slowly, Frank brought a hand up to trace over the outline of Gerard's cock through his pants, his touch was cautious, exploring. Gerard held his breath, not sure he could breathe if he wanted to.  
Frank looked up at him then, his gaze questioning, Gerard gave a small nod. Whatever Frank wanted, Gerard wouldn't keep from him.

Frank added slight pressure to where his hand was cupping Gerard, feeling the way he throbbed under his palm. Frank then seemed to come to a decision, his other hand coming up and he undid Gerard's pants, Gerard lifted his hips to allow Frank to pull them down his thighs, giving him full access to his Cock.  
Frank took a second to just look, his lips parted, before griping Gerard and giving an experimental stroke.

Gerard cursed, this was the first time his cock had been touched by another hand in months, and Frank's hands felt like heaven as he began pumping his fist, watching Gerard gasp and moan. Frank tested out different speeds and angles, every now and again brushing his thumb over the head, his other hand came down to fondle Gerard's balls.  
Gerard knew he wasn't going to last, and was almost grateful when Frank stopped, he didn't want it to be over so soon, but then Frank was in his lap, naked from the waist down, and his hands were back with more vigor than before.  
"Fuck, Frank," Gerard moaned, drawing out Frank's name as he felt himself tip over the edge, he struggled to keep his eyes open, wanting to never forget the way Frank watched him then, his eyes dark with lust.  
Gerard didn't have time to catch his breath before Frank was kissing him with a fierceness that hadn't been there in their previous kisses.

Gerard pulled away, chest heaving, catching his breath and then losing it as he saw Frank lick at the mess of Gerard's release on his hand. He watched as Frank dragged his hand through the mess on his stomach, then took himself in hand, using Gerard's cum as lubricant.  
"Jesus Christ!" Gerard groaned, feeling his spent cock give a small twitch.

"Fuck," Frank moaned, "Gerard, please..." Frank's words trailed off into a high whine.  
Gerard pulled Frank down for another kiss, one of his hands winding into Frank's hair and giving a small yank.  
Frank whined louder, his hips bucking. Gerard's other hand coaxed Frank's hand off his cock, replacing it and letting Frank fuck his tight fist instead. Frank groaned, thrusting into Gerard's fist with all he had, lips pliant as Gerard kissed him senseless. Gerard pulled Frank's hair harder, and Frank's whole body shuddered and jerked, Frank broke the kiss, his broken moans and gasps rasing in volume and pitch, echoing beautifully off the stone walls as he came, then he collapsed onto Gerard, babbling Gerard's name like it was the only word he knew, like the rest of his vocabulary had been fucked out of him.

"God, Frankie, so good, So beautiful," Gerard wiped his hand off, wrapped his arms around Frank, holding him close, hands petting his back and brushing his hair from his face, "you did so good Frank, so perfect."  
Frank smiled hazily up at Gerard, his eyes sleepy. Gerard thought if he died right then, he'd wouldn't mind this being the last thing he saw. He kissed Frank again, slow and sweet, "I love you."  
Frank let out a content sigh, settling down into his favorite sleeping position on Gerard's chest, his head over Gerard's heart, "I love you too."

Gerard listened to Frank's breathing deepen as he fell back to sleep, content to lay with him for as long as he could. If Gerard ever imagined heaven, it paled in comparison to this, the feeling of loving and being loved, holding and being held, it was more than he ever thought he'd deserve.

This wasn't something he could ever have before coming here. His family loved him, in their own way, but could they still love him if they knew? Could he still have a life with Frank if things were different, if he wasn't cursed and they'd meet through the connections of upper society?  
His family never would have allowed this. They'd have taken him away from Frank, forced them apart.  
Perhaps they could have run away together, come out here together, they could say Frank was his apprentice.  
Gerard smiled at that, remembering Frank's drawings that were safely tucked away at the cabin.

Maybe he was meant to come here, to find Frank, for Frank to find him. A small part of him liked the idea of being the one meant to break the curse, like the handsome prince in a fairytale.  
But Frank wasn't a helpless damsel, he wasn't invincible but he could take care of himself, had been doing so for years, and they weren't going to break the curse, just shield Gerard from it.  
It was ironic, being around Frank, being loved by him, it was the most dangerous thing he could have chosen, but he felt safe here, couldn't imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter titles kinda fit together like a mediocre poem, so that’s cool I guess.  
> Also I know I’ve mentioned Hozier’s “It Will Come Back” in relation to this story, but I definitely recommend listening to it from Frank’s perspective with his curse in mind.
> 
> Also Spotify showed me “The Fold by Wickerbird” and while it doesn’t exactly fit the story lyrically I’ve been hardcore vibing to it while writing. Listening to this song while extremely sleep deprived was like a religious experience, it unlocked emotions I don’t even have words for.


End file.
